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#030 - DEMO: Narcissistic Abuse (Coaching VS therapy)

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In this episode you’re going to hear a coaching demo I did in front of an audience with a client suffering from what she described as narcissistic abuse. She sometimes felt overwhelming fear of rejection, and wanted to start living with more peace and freedom. The client had trained extensively as a therapist, and was convinced her present-day problems were rooted in her past. And she'd tried lots of things... Telling herself she knew it was just a story (she didn't). Trying to tell herself a better story (she couldn't). Working at accepting the overwhelming feelings (they seemed unacceptable). But what if there's so much *less* than that to do? You may have heard me say that the two most valuable things a person can discover are how experience is created and who they really are. My client thought her overwhelming feelings were telling her about her past (they weren't). My client thought there was something wrong with her (there wasn't. And there isn't.) As the session proceeded, she started waking up to the truth of who she really is. And everything shifted. A few days later, she wrote that everything had changed since our session. She said she feels so much more relaxed in the areas where she'd been struggling. She said that the feeling of lack she'd been experiencing had somehow disappeared. And she hadn't been working at it. It just happened. That's the power of insight and realisation.   As you’ll hear, I move between coaching the client and speaking to the audience. The main coaching session is in the first 20 minutes of the podcast, then I speak to the audience for a while then come back to the coaching client for the last few minutes to check in with her. So I hope you enjoy the session. By the way, if you’re a ClarityPro member, you’ll be receiving a fully unpacked version of this coaching session where I take you behind the scenes and explain what I’m responding to, what’s guiding the questions I’m asking and how I’m making sense of what the client is telling me. So if you’re a ClarityPro Member, you’ll find that in the impact kit for the module called ‘Coaching, Therapy & Changework from the Inside-out’. And if you’re not a ClarityPro member, but you want to learn how to share the principles with anybody, on any topic and in any situation, you can find out more about our community and what’s on offer at    And if you want to learn how to bring an understanding of these principles into every aspect of your work and life, you can join me on the January 2020 intake of the  Clarity Certification Training, you can get one of the last 11 places and save up to £2,000 off the full price when you book your place by Friday, 10th January. Just go to