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Snippet of Girls Gotta Eat: Decision To Not Have Children

From Audio: Choosing to be Childfree

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Duration: 09:58
Listen now to “Decision To Not Have Children” from Girls Gotta Eat. Ashley Hesseltine and Rayna Greenberg talk reactions and judgments to their choice.
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Full Description
Listen now to “Decision To Not Have Children” from Girls Gotta Eat. Ashley Hesseltine and Rayna Greenberg talk reactions and judgments to their choice.
Why do guys just want to f*ck you once then stalk your Instagram forever? Should you ditch the apps and meet people in the wild? How do you get over a breakup when you feel like you're gonna die? These are all topics discussed on Girls Gotta Eat -- a comedy podcast about dating, sex, and relationships co-hosted by Ashley Hesseltine and Rayna Greenberg.
Audio Transcription
Okay, so here we go. Um, this episode is about the decision to not have Children. No, no. Spoiler alert here. I don't want kids. I've said it multiple times. Rain will talk about her experience, how she feels. Um, and we wanted to do this for a while. We want to do it on our own, but, like, honestly, we've gotten so many requests for this, like any time we've ever talked about families or Children or anything, like people ask when we're gonna do this episode. And so I know a lot of you guys have want us to do it. We feel like we owe it to you, but we want to do it anyway. And you know, it's not something that so many people talk about again. I don't feel any sort of shame or anything around my personal decision. I'm very open about it, but I think some people it's not easy to discuss, So we're excited to do it and tell you guys how how we feel before we get to do it. I just I want to talk a little bit about the topic in general because I think it could be sensitive and potentially a little offensive to some people. So we wanted to address that up top. And first and foremost, this episode is not intended to downplay the importance of motherhood, um, or offend anybody whose desire it is to be a mom now or in the future. Um, just because I think something is right for my life doesn't mean I don't think it's a wonderful, meaningful thing for somebody else's life. Uh, there's always gonna be things that I do personally the others think is superfluous to their own lives. And I afford other people the right to think that. So I just asked the same in return for us. Um, I think motherhood is a tremendously difficult job and many of my dear friends with Children that I love so much I love playing with I have a mom. I'm a huge fan of her. I just know that sometimes people feel that the decisions that you make or an attack on the ones that they've made for themselves, and that's certainly not our intention here today. I didn't honestly, I'm saying this, but I didn't really realize how offended and condescending people could become when you suggest that motherhood isn't for you until very recently on due to just a family situation, my own, which I'll discuss later on in the episode. Um, I didn't understand how triggering this could be for other people. Um, and I'll just sort of use an analogy that said this podcast before, like weddings. I think the huge weddings with, like, centerpieces and table class, actually bridesmaids or silly wasting money as well. But that doesn't mean that I don't love being in other people's weddings and going to weddings and respect other people's desire to throw them. I wouldn't spend my money on it, but I certainly don't stand in judgment of how other people want to spend their hard earned money. Um, certain things make me happy and give my life purpose. I think that everyone should have everything that they want. And my words today won't be a judgment call on what other people have done and what gives them purpose and make them happy, eh? So I don't see the judgment about other people, um, have chosen Thio use their uterus, So I just asked that they don't judge how I have chosen to use mine Yeah, I love you said that that was beautiful. I mean, if you have Children or you want Children, we support you wholeheartedly. We've had a number of moms on this show. We did an episode on fertility just to give women information on how they could have Children later down the road and freezing their eggs. All that kind of thing like we support mothers and the decision to have Children like full stop like, uh, yeah, you know, like my mom is the most important person my whole world I love so many of my friends are mothers. Like we support Mom. So that goes out saying like, I just love that you said, like our choices and our opinions or not attack on yours. And we're going to talk about how we feel were you might make some jokes and we know that people like to get offended about anything and everything these days. Not all people, not most of I think most of our listeners are great. But it's really a tense time, more than ever, where people really are looking to be offended. But I will say that people that are secure in their own choices and they're happy in their own lives. They're not triggered by the opinions and choices of others that have nothing to do with them. Mhm. If someone came to me straight up to my face, it was like I think it's so sad when women don't want Children, it's not natural. Something's wrong with you yada yada. I am 0% offended because that does not apply to me. It's not true. I'm not offended by it because I'm secure in my decision. So if you're finding yourself to be triggered by us talking about not wanting Children, I do ask you to look inward because that has nothing to do with us. You know what I mean? Yeah. I mean, I didn't. And again I will talk about that. I don't wanna keep teasing this, but I didn't realize until recently. Like when you say to somebody I don't want kids, that they feel the need to tell you how important it was to them and how much you mentioned their life and how it feels great. Great. It's wonderful. I'm not saying that your life has no meaning and the mine has more meaning. I'm just saying This is what gives my life meaning. And it doesn't affect you. Yeah. I mean, like, I got a little taste of this. I posted something on Instagram, and this was this really cool video right before the latest season of the Bachelorette started. And it was like all the former bachelorettes were like passing this rose. It was like the school montage they did They, like, did this whole little thing and showing kind of the there a snippet of their life. And then they threw Rose and the next bachelorette caught it. And it was like, the for all the half. The first half of all the women had kids, and they were like, crazy mom frazzled with our kids run around and then whatever. They were happy. But like then it kind of went into the more recent bachelorettes who don't have kids. And they were like, you know, Andi Dorfman was like eating this big bowl ice cream and like one of them was working out on the on a peloton and they had dogs. And it was like my life. It was like I saw myself and those women, obviously, and I wrote something and it said. This video is such a stark contrast between women who have Children and women who don't very obvious observation. And it's I said, like I resonate more with the women that have the dogs and the snacks and the workouts and stuff like that. That's it. And I got this really positive response about posting about not winning kids and how I enjoy my life without kids from Mom's. So like matchmaker Maria for one good friend of mine who just had a baby saying things to me like, kids aren't for everyone Mother saying that kids are for everyone. I love that you talk about this love that you normalize it, love that you're open about it. And then a few people that took a fence by something I never said And they were like, You know, guess what? Moms can do it all. And I'm like, I never said they couldn't like, never said that We've had the most badass moms on this show, Eden with Shan right before she was about to give birth like I'm afraid. Jamie Fraser. Yeah, like my friends are, they work full time. They have a husband and they have a career moms, and it was my mom. I just was like you were projecting so hard on me something that you aren't happy with in your life. And I didn't even say this thing. You know what I mean? Like and so I was just like it made me just be like ultimately, Like, I want to get all this out of the way before we start this episode. If you find yourself getting triggered right now, turn it off. Yeah, I don't wanna hear it and like, it's just we don't we support what you dio and, you know, we asked the same. And I think that we might share some observations during this episode about motherhood, and it doesn't mean it has anything to do with your life. And it's not an all moms. This all moms, that it's opinions, its observations. It's hot takes. If it doesn't apply to you, shouldn't be offended by it. Yeah, okay. And one more thing. Anyone who is out here saying that a woman is supposed to have kids. Ah, woman's body is meant to have kids. If you don't want them some things biologically wrong with you, that is some antiquated, misogynistic bullshit. And those are the same people that say It's wrong to be gay and it's wrong to be transgender, and it's wrong to have sex before marriage. And it's wrong to have a kid out of wedlock and fuck those people. Those are people. So any of those views that just don't fuck with Yeah, and I feel like there's so many times like you say, like I don't want kids and somebody will say, Oh, you'll grow out of it It's like, Why can't I just want this? You know, I don't You know, I I don't know. I think you and I maybe feel differently. I don't ever feel judged. I also don't work in an office where I'm working. I mean, Kate feels very differently. She's always worked with women that are like when you and Jake and have kids, and she's I think I said this before an episode that she started saying It's just not in the cards for us, and people retract really quickly and we'll get to this. We'll talk about fertility, but I don't feel that. But again, I've not been in a lot of traditional scenarios and people don't step to me, you know what I mean? I'm very open about it, but like I don't really feel judged. I don't my family school, but that's very probably pretty rare. Like I'm I feel lucky in that way. I don't feel judged in the sense of like you and I live in New York City. I think it's pretty common to not have kids with lots of people. I don't think I think that a lot of people have kids leave New York. I think a lot of people our age, their single, still live in New York and don't have kids. And I think I'm lucky to live in New York, which is a city with a lot of single people, don't have kids. I can have a great life. I don't feel judged. I also don't think I I leave myself open to judgment. I'm not asking somebody's opinion for the world. I live my life and I'm not asking. I'm not telling them how they should live their life. So I guess judgment is not the right word. I just I think sometimes people are like dismissive of you not wanting kids or think It's just like a silly thing you'll grow up from. And we're all entitled to grow and change our minds. But like it's never, it's not open for discussion. It's my life in my uterus. Even if you look at me, I mean, our chauffeur has this whole two part special on Netflix but not having kids and people going like, Well, what if you're lonely? And he says, like he thinks about it for one second he picks up the phone and calls a friend, and he's not lonely anymore. And it's like, Yeah, I think that people are like, What if you're lonely? It's like, Well, I'll deal with that then I don't think I'm gonna be lonely, But if I am, I'll think, Thank you for your input. Yeah, and just because we don't feel those pressures we know so many of you dio and we're gonna talk to it, we're gonna We're gonna speak to it. We're gonna speak about it. We're gonna get all this stuff. One more thing before we like really deep dive is I do want to say that also, if you're struggling to have Children, this may not be what you want to hear on DSO. That's fine too. And you know, we 100% respect that we send you our love and our support Protect your energy. Take care of yourself. You know, I don't know. I'm sure someone knows how they feel at this point. But, like again, it might not be something you want to hear women talking about not wanting Children when you want them so badly and you're unable to have them. So I've I've send my love Thio any women who are struggling with that I think it is so painful on. I can't imagine wanting something so badly and my body not doing it, you know, like it just really, really gets me upset. So I'm already emotional. So if this is gonna be emotional for you, then don't don't listen. It might not be for everybody. Yeah. Oh, you're so sweet. You're crying. I feel like a shift in my tone. Real quick feeling like fuck you
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