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Snippet of You Up with Nikki Glaser: Daily Mail

From Audio: You Up-Doesn't Fit A Pattern

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Duration: 06:30
Listen now to snippet “Daily Mail” from You Up with Nikki Glaser. The comedian reviews articles on Snapchat about Brad Pitt, Jon Hamm, and Chrishell Stause.
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Full Description
Listen now to snippet “Daily Mail” from You Up with Nikki Glaser. The comedian reviews articles on Snapchat about Brad Pitt, Jon Hamm, and Chrishell Stause.
Nikki is on a roll today. She records her podcast, gets her scalp checked, does morning radio with the ex-bf, swipes her dating app and gets a call from Anya while on her way to Starbucks Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Audio Transcription
I'm gonna pull up the daily mail on my fucking phone here because I trusted more than my stupid computer. Um, okay, let's see what else is going on. Kourtney Kardashian shares a snap of her daughter who gives a fuck its's all the oh, look at that. Brad Pitt Brad Pitt, Brad Pitts model girlfriend. Nicole Poached post Let me try Postural Ski patrol Ski. It's not that hard. 27 of course, showcases air incredible abs in a trendy tied I two piece for her latest sizzling selfie. That literally is the headline. Underneath Christie Teagan loses Baby God. She's the lucky lady who's spending time with Brad Pitt over the past few weeks. And Nicole Pataca Laurel ski. I don't mean to be racist. I don't know what she is was proving just how she caught the eligible bachelors I, as she took to Instagram to share sizzling snap on Thursday. The person who writes these Clara seen OCR a farmer. What's your life like? I would like to interview Sierra Farmer who has to write these fucking headlines. Do you have, like sitting like Do you have? Are you one of the source dot com, like all day long. Think of new ways to say glowy sizzling like on the daily mail. They never say legs. They say pins. They're a little British. The model, who was first seen with Brad in the Model 27 who was first seen with Brad, 56 in November last year, looked incredible in a tight I toupees, which flaunted her stunning abs. I've has anyone seen ABS and said those air stunning, disgusting. Nicole was sure to show off her figure in the bright cord. Ku Ward Dude, that's a word now. Cool Ward C O R D No Dash, which perfectly combined casual and sexy thanks to the scanty material. So I wanted to write that sends fucking Sierra. Farmer had to write that sentence while she partially covered her face with her phone. She was sure to look sleek, thanks to her bouncy and perfectly colored locks. Oh my God. Nicole and Brad enjoyed a romantic trip to his Chateau Miraval in France with Oscar winner produces a 390 rose a champagne. I mean nothing. There's no information in this. There's not even a picture of them together. That's what I want. I want to see how they walked together. I want to read their body language. I want to see if they're gonna make it. See if there's any other celeb couples that air dropping in here. Mariah Carey I heard, um did a alternative rock album when she was recording fantasy. You know, that's like highly produced Poppy album that she did in the nineties. She on the side was, um, secretly did a grunge album or not Grant Sorry, alternative album where she got to like right out her real emotions. And that was just something I read the other night. If that's true, I can't wait to hear that. That sounds amazing. Apparently, the band was called, like, cheap or something. I wish I was able to google it right now, but I just I am one hand one handing it, um because I'm holding a mike. See what other stupid fucking headlines? And by the way, this is. This is my news, because the other, So I can't look at other news. It's just too upsetting. Selling sunsets. Crystal Strauss E. Strauss. I don't care, admits it's been painful to see Jet ex Justin Hartley move on from their marriage. Oh, my God. She was married to Justin Hartley, Right? Sorry from wait. Isn't he the guy that was in? Um Oh, my God. He's so hot. Good job, girl. Now she's dancing with glad my ex partner. I can't even watch them dance because he's everything. She's everything that he deserves. Just like pretty good dancer. Not pretty. Good dancer. Pretty slash Good dancer. Um, everything happens for a reason. I'm grateful for the twists and the turns. I was in the middle of the process. Oh, freezing her eggs. She's in the middle, freezing her eggs on dancing with the stars approached me. She was like at that clinic, and they were like, Hey, she's like filling out a form in the office. Do you, you know, had a foxtrot? What about, Ah, Argentinian waltz? How old is she? Let's see. Oh, she's 39. Okay. Hello? Wow. Suddenly I really like this girl. She's three years older than me, so I'm like, OK, she's great. Um, you could freeze your eggs at 39. I mean, I guess you could do it any time. They're going to take your money and fucking do it. Um, all right. That was a cool headline. Do you know why the headline was school? Let's just go back because I learned she's 39. Nicky, you're so sad. Um oh, this one was good the other day. Jon Hamm, 49 his Mad Men costar girlfriend Don't call her madman co star girlfriend. I mean, she was in the final episode. I did a lot of research on this. Another night. He's dating a girl who's 32. He's 49. Not a terrible spread on that age gap. But, you know, still, I would still 32. She looks like normal. She's not like she she I don't I don't hate this. Not that I, you know. He's entitled to date whoever he wants. Even though our cardboard cutouts are sitting next to each other at the Cardinals games every single time, there's a Cardinals game at Busch Stadium, which I don't think I think they're still in the playoffs. I don't really know who cares? Jon Hamm and his girlfriend, Anna. 00 Celio, I'm sorry, toe. All these ladies who we won't hear from in a month when they all get dumped by these famous men looked happy in love as they strolled arm in arm after purchasing a handful of snacks. This is what I like is what you get to see what snacks there. But let's see what they got. Okay, It looks like John got some kind of, like, cheese thing. And she got Oh, she got those, um, kettle chips that are, like, pickle flavored. She's got big, curly hair, which I'm threatened by. Oh, my God, you guys, my hair is falling out so fucking much lately.
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