folks who have a certain level of privilege. It's almost like they don't know how to help people like me. Is the field something that you still want to be a part of in order to provide that for other people, or do you feel like you're just done? At this point in my heart? I just know I want to help people like me, But if I do that, I will never make a living. I do not want to charge people like me in terms of financial like ability are worse off, like I was paying, like $20 a session. The sessions were like 30 minutes to see it, a dietitian or $30 and that was still really hard. It was really hard to afford, and I was doing this all through my internship and going to physical therapy. So I was doing and having, ah, therapist virtually and dietitian and doctors and things like that. So recovery is a full time job in and of itself, and I just I'm not done in terms of being in the field professionally. I don't I don't feel done at all what I am trying Thio. I'm just trying to sit in this discomfort of not knowing, because that's that's ultimately the hardest part for me. It's not easy to say like, Okay, just take the test. But just entertaining the idea that like, No, I have to be in our d And it's so clear cut that almost is, like, too easy, And that doesn't feel in alignment with what with who I am and what I value. What I value is being honest and helping people in the best way that I can, but not doing it at the expense of my health. So I just haven't figured that out yet. My partner and I just started a production company to help businesses share their messages with video and and things like that. So technology and having an influence and sharing impactful messages is still something that is, that's another passion of mine. So through recovery, at least I was able to identify that I have more than one passion. So for that I'm grateful. But right now I'm giving myself the time that I so desperately needed and still continue to need to heal. I mean, I think it's interesting. I think a lot of professionals in this field that I know and even myself, to some extent kind of went through a similar thing of, like doing something tangentially related that wasn't really gonna, you know, like my first jobs For three years in the nutrition space, I worked for the city Department of Health on, like, community nutrition programs and nutrition policy. I was definitely face to face with diet culture in those and didn't even recognize it as such right at the time. I was I didn't have that analysis and so, you know, it was definitely kind of still triggered a lot of the time. But also, like, I wasn't working directly with eating disorder clients, you know? And I think I needed that time toe like get my footing in the nutrition field without the direct client interaction, because I think that would have been too much at that point when I was still going through my own recovery. You know, the early stages and I think I've heard that from a number of other people, too, that they had to kind of do something. I forget who it was. Maybe not theocratic. We were talking about this about like going into research was sort of a way to, you know, not have to be like dealing directly with clients and the stuff that that might stir up. But then eventually, I think some people do end up working with clients. I did, and, you know, number of people I know did. But it's getting that time to, like, really shore up. Your own recovery is so hugely important if you are going to do any sort of direct client work and maybe you won't, you know, maybe you'll just find another niche. But I think it's zgray that you're taking the time toe. Figure that out. Yeah, and something to know is that I again like recovery. Access to recovery is still an issue for me. So as long as that is still a challenge for me, I don't see how I can successfully become a dietitian. One. I can't afford to take the exam, to be frank and to I also can't afford the salary that, like that, they pay dietitian so like it's way too low. Exactly. So I very much how I think I have a lot more to think about in order to survive and right now being a dietitian in terms of Maslow's hierarchy of needs and like self actualization. I'm not even able to consistently meet my basic needs right now because I am still in my trauma response and still very much in recovery and still struggle with access to food and and care that I need and is. And that is something that is so that is that in that access that barrier to access, um, to health care in general, something I'm very passionate about, which is something that I'm seeking out to do through my work on YouTube and talking with you. I ultimately just want to help people gain access and maybe unconventional ways, so like creating courses for folks who need the help and just can't afford it. And that's what I want to dio. And that's yeah, so I very much it feels very like a big conflict in my in my mind. But in my heart, I know I know that I am right where I need to be. I know that these wounds will heal with time, and I know that it's okay I want and I wanna work on. I continue to work on accepting that. It's okay that I don't know when things are gonna happen, how things were going toe unfold. I just know that I could do hard things. And ultimately I got to decide what I do with my life, obviously within the realms of my privilege. But what I mean is like, I get to steer the steering wheel for all intents and purposes of my life. And I'm really just working on being okay with where I am and and really surrendering to that need for control. And that's ultimately very true in my eating disorder recovery. But also in my life in general is things unfold politically and we want answers. We want accountability, we want justice. And of course I want that. But I think right now I'm in a period of grief. I'm grieving the body that I know I will never have. I'm grieving the privilege that I no longer have and for the foreseeable future, or right now, at least I'm not. I do not have, and I am grieving. The A lot of parts, a lot of younger parts of myself, and this is the This is the work, and I know in my heart this is the work that I need to be doing. And so as much as I can Asada's it is.