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Episode 28 of 39

#28 – Process Part 3: Dealing with the Consequences

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This episode discusses the consequences of speaking up and the fear of negative consequences we experience that keeps us from taking the steps to speak up. 
Fear is the main emotion we experience that keeps us from speaking up when we might need to. We’re afraid of others’ responses, that we might feel embarrassed, and above all that our reactions might negatively affect our close connections with others. 
Our fear can be dealt with and our prophet has taught us that through hearing the Savior we can be guided to know what to do in any circumstances. We discuss how we can truly Hear Him and the miracles that can come when we make real attempts to be faithful when fear and doubt descends upon us. It’s the same with interpersonal relationships- we can exercise faith that our speaking up – regardless of how it will be met – will be a blessing to us in the long run.  
Some of the typical negative responses to speaking up are being accused of being critical, being labeled as a troublemaker, difficult to work with or angry. We can hold our ground. Julie Gottman said, “When faced with such negativity, you can try saying something like, ‘I’m not trying to criticize you here or put you down. That’s not what I want to do. I really care about you and I really want to be closer to you.’ That will help you give your partner some reassurance and indicate to your partner that you’re not trying to attack or criticize them, and it can help de-escalate the situation.”  Another negative response is when people will deflect, dodge, become defensive, and make excuses, which we can manage by holding our ground.
We give some personal examples of situations that didn’t turn out well, as well as some that did, and emphasize that none of them are forever. 
Notes
Articles
Hear Him by Russell M. Nelson
How to Fight Smarter: Soften Your Start-Up by Julie Gottman
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