LibriVox recording of Mark Twain in the New York Times, Part Four (1900-1906) by Mark Twain. Read in English by John Greenman This collection of articles by and about Mark Twain and his family was compiled by Barbara Schmidt, publisher of twainquotes.com. Included in Part Four of this chronological listing (1900-1906) are some of Twain’s short stories, speeches and letters, as they appeared in the New York Times in that decade. The original microfiche articles are available at the New York Times’ “Times Machine” website: https://timesmachine.nytimes.com/browser/ . - Summary by John Greenman and Barbara SchmidtFor further information, including links to online text, reader information, RSS feeds, CD cover or other formats (if available), please go to the LibriVox catalog page for this recording. For more free audio books or to become a volunteer reader, visit LibriVox.org.M4B Audiobook 000-099 (292MB)M4B Audiobook 100-139 (122MB)
Section 32 of Mark Twain in The New York Times part for 1900 through 1906 This liver box recording is in the public domain. Read by John Greenman, March 24th 1901 Lotus Clubs. Welcome to the Governor article edited to include only Mark Twain speech and slanders. Mask of Humor Loaders, Clubs Welcome to the governor, Mr Odell declares. He is executive of the whole state. He recognizes no faction. The official chamber at Albany. His quarters, not the Fifth Avenue hotel. Governor Benjamin Be Odell Jr was the guest of honor at a dinner given by the Lotus Club last evening, and many complimentary things were said about him by the speakers. The governor had hardly stepped into the dining hall, which was tastefully decorated for the occasion when he was cheered. Thereafter whenever his name was mentioned, he was cheered again and again, and when during his brief speech, he declared that he was the governor of the whole state, not of Republicans alone. He was rewarded with shouts of approval that compelled him to stop speaking for a considerable time. Even before the speechmaking began, the governor was made much of by the bank, Ritter's and he and Senator Chauncey M. Depew were kept busy writing their autographs on the menu cards, which were attractive enough to deserve mention. Late in the evening, Mark Twain arrived and for a time shared the attention of the guests with the governor Mark Twain's speech. Mark Twain, who next spoke, was greeted with enthusiasm as he arose. I recently had the pleasure of visiting Governor Odell and his official family, he said. The family is made up of three Republicans for business and one Democrat for ornament and social elevation. I have also been to Albany two or three times without salary on expensive errands, wants to help repeal the Ramapo bill, and again to assist in passing a police bill in case he was short a police bill. I'm privileged on the floor of any legislature. There was a little self interest here and there. My scheme was toe have only authors in the bill. For myself. I wanted to be chief of the force, not because I was particularly qualified, but because I was tired and wanted to rest. And I wanted Mr House for First deputy, not because he has any police ability, but because he's tired, too. And I wanted Mr Dip you to be my second deputy, not because he's tired, but because he can do most anything well and I could draw the salary. Then he and I are members of the famous class of 53 at Yale, so he was there before I was. Then again, Senator Depew is a Missouri man, the same as I am, and in the Missouri in there is no guile. There is to further bond of union and that when I was young, I was a member of a firm of twins and one of them disappeared. There seems to me to be a resemblance and senator to peer to me and grace of motion and fluency of speech, which seems to me to designate him as that long lost twin. Then, in my police bill, I wanted Stedman and Aldridge and Matthews for the Broadway squad and other is still for the Red Light District and others to look after the pretty manicurists and to modify the activity of the cadets. Now the pew could do that now that Bill was my bright dream and my ambition, but it faded as so many other bright dreams have faded. Governor Odell couldn't favourite. He said he couldn't leave the city unprotected. Now I have nothing to do tomorrow. And if the governor will just hold a conference with me, will settle the police question. If my bill passes, I just fill up the red light district with poets, the best poets. We've got armed not with barbaric clubs, but with their own poems. And I would make them corral those poor, unkempt people of that locality. And I would have my poetic policemen read their poems to them until that region was so elevated and uplifted and reformed that the inhabitants over there themselves wouldn't know it. Senator Ellsberg, Sinclair McCalla Way and George H. Daniels also spoke Flanders Mask of Humor from the Army and Navy Journal. We observed that Mark Twain has taken a friend of his Mr William J. Lampton to task because he has been guilty of writing a patriotic poem. In a letter to Mr Lampton described by the Philadelphia North American as a gently satirical epistle. Mr Clements says, Dear Lampton, will you allow me to say that I like those poems of yours very much, especially the one which so vividly pictures the response of our young fellows when they were summoned to strike down on oppressor and set his victim free, right a companion to it and show us how the young fellows respond. When invited by the government to go out to the Philippines on a land stealing and liberty crucifying crusade, I noticed that they swarm to the recruiting office at the rate of 800 a month out of unenthusiastic population of 75 million free men, and that no American born person can pronounce their names without damage to his jaw, nor spell them without a foreign education. Sincerely, yours, Mark Twain. This statement concerning enlistments has 5% of truth in it, which is perhaps as large a proportion as we could expect of an author who has so long been accustomed to contribute to the good nature of the world by statements so exaggerated and grotesque. But we never buy any possibility, mistake them for anything but humorous extravagances. In the case of the letter printed above, Mark Twain appears to have made an attempt at telling the truth in which tastes he cannot object if he is held to the rule of exactness, which binds other men when they assumed to argue serious propositions. The applications at the recruiting office is during the months when recruiting was for the Philippines on China, where nearly 15 times what Mark Twain says they are, or 11,735 for July 1,911,760 for August. The average for the 13 months ended with last January was 8000 or ah 104,816 altogether commencing with last month February. The recruiting has been wholly for the regular Army, and it has been steadily on the increase so that the prospect is that the total for March will be in excess of the high totals for July and August. Last, the enlistments for March 6th indicate a monthly total of 13,400 applications, and those for March 15th a total of 17,144 or 21 times what Mark Twain says they are. These are facts approved by the official records at the War Department and the liveliness of a humorist. Imagination cannot alter them The difficulty Mr Clemens finds and speaking the names of our soldiers is apparently an illustration of the inability to pronounce one's native tongue, which sometimes affects those who travel abroad. Over 88% of these soldiers, according to the latest statistics, are native born Americans, and the remaining 11.5% of foreign birth are either citizens or have legally declared their intention of becoming such. The requirements for the service are very exacting, including, besides citizenship and the ability to read and write the English language, physical and moral qualifications in excess of those demanded for ordinary occupations. Of 100 men offering to enlist, 78 are rejected, the remaining 22 Furnishing our army with a class of men personally superior to the average soldier of any other service. It is unfortunate for the reputation of Mark Twain that he should go out of his way to slander these men because they believe in the right and duty of our government to enforce its authority over all of the territory belonging to the United States. Mr Clemens denied that proposition jury are civil war. When he enjoyed the experience of a gorilla rebel chased all over the state of Missouri, which he has so amusingly described. History has already recorded the verdict that our soldiers were right then and that Mr Clemens and his friends were wrong. It will not require 40 years to prove that those who sustain the government are right now, the Filipinos themselves being witnesses to the fact. But whatever Mr Clemens may think of this, he can hardly justify himself for making use of the weapons of slander and misrepresentation against the government and the soldiers who are loyally obeying its orders. It is melancholy to find the genial mark in descending into the arena of partisan falsification, giving up to party what was meant for mankind. End of March 24th 1901 Lotus Clubs Welcome to the governor and slanders Mask of Humor read by John Greenman.