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#95: Jillian Turecki: Respect, Boundaries, & Self-Esteem: What You Need to Know About Relationships

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Profit With Purpose by Anna Goldstein
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Jillian Turecki is a relationship expert, yoga teacher and public speaker who for 18 years, has been studying the art and science of fulfillment. Under the masterful guidance of Anthony Robbins, Jillian is certified by the Robbins Madanes Center for Strategic Intervention known for employing innovative strategic solutions to the most pervasive difficult problems. Fueled by an insatiable curiosity about what makes a relationship thrive, her mission is to help both singles and couples strengthen their relationship with themselves so that they ultimately transform their relationships with others. Jillian is expertly trained in working with the individual, couples, and families, and is sought out for her compassionate, direct, and very authentic style of coaching and teaching. “Our entire experience of life boils down to relationship. From the intimacy we crave with a partner to the success we achieve through our work. None of it is possible without understanding our own psychology and the psychology of those we relate to. We never learned this at school, but it is learnable. To be able to communicate masterfully, that is, to transcend our insecurities, hurt and reactivity is a skill essential to our personal fulfillment.” What do you think is most important in a relationship? If we talk about an intimate relationship, there are a lot of things that are very important to maintain a healthy relationship. The most important part would be respected. It is very difficult to be in a relationship if you do not have respect for yourself. If you do not respect your partner in a relationship, it is impossible to have any sort of intimacy. What do you have to say about self-respect? How can someone disrespect themselves? Self-respect is about honoring where you are and also giving yourself a little push to move forward and grow. Self-respect starts by respecting yourself first. Many times we start disrespecting ourselves through our thoughts that we have about ourselves and doubts e have about ourselves. Most of us indulge in destructive self-talks, addictions or bad habits which actually implies disrespecting ourselves. Every individual needs to decide what self-respect means to them since these standards can vary from person to person. For some people, self-respect might mean saying no to more things and for others, it might mean saying yes to more things. It all depends on how you are living your life and what you need. How closely do you think respect is to settle down in a relationship? It varies from person to person. You should always ask yourself what respect means to you and share it with your partner. You have to share that with yourself. Jillian thinks it is very important that people have an honest conversation with themselves when they are disrespected by their partner and share it with their partners. If you feel perpetually disrespected, you need to look deep into it. Make sure you stand up for yourself and make sure to show the other person to respect you as an individual. It is very important to have a conversation with your partner about self-respect if you feel disrespected in a relationship. How can someone build their self-esteem again if they have been in a toxic relationship in past? If you have low self-esteem regardless of the fact that you are in a relationship or single, you need to work your self-esteem very quickly. It is very difficult to build any sort of intimacy in a relationship if you have low self-esteem. If you are single and you are searching for a partner thinking in the back of your mind that this person would help you boost your self-esteem, that is probably the biggest mistake you can ever commit. People around you can only help you grow, but it is down to you to improve your self-esteem. The fastest way to improve your self-esteem is to commit yourself to grow and to do things that make you feel alive. How can we improve our communication in relationships? All the rules that apply to real-world communication cannot be applied in a relationship. Communication rules in relationships are totally different. Jillian shares three ways to improve your communication to the next level in a relationship. They are the following: Listen more than you speak. Listen to understand, rather than to reply. To understand that you do not just communicate with words, you also communicate with your body. To not always use the words “I feel” because it implies you are giving away a judgment on something. If you are in an intimate relationship with someone, that person is definitely aware of your energy even if they do not think in terms of energy and cannot put it in words. Human beings can naturally feel other people’s joy and stress. Can you talk a little about emotional fitness and how we can integrate it in relationships? Emotional fitness is definitely not a