then you get more devastating news cancer again. Mhm. Were you like, hey God, like my brother, me my husband, me like I can't I can't I can't even imagine, I don't think any of us who any of us, even if we have loved ones who have gone through it, if you haven't gone through it yourself, there is no way we can understand that. When you got that 2nd 2nd diagnosis, when you got that news, what happened to you? Like where did you where did your mind go? How did you feel? And that's a silly kind of question. But you know, there's people out there who are going through what you've gone through and we'll understand, no, you know what, it's not a silly question. It is very real. Um You know the first indication that there was something wrong was there was a lump under my arm. I thought because when you shave their arms, maybe it was an ingrown hair, I didn't think twice again. You know, you have to remember that this is five years on four years on story and They've told me that I only have a 5% chance that there's cancer. So the lump got a little bit bigger and red and sore. My daughter being a nurse, I said to her, you know this is uncomfortable, okay? And she said well you know let's go get you checked at the time it was christmas. So my doctor was on vacation, she said listen, I've got a friend who's working in the er right now we'll go down, we'll get you checked. This was christmas eve and I said I don't want to because I want to go and have christmas dinner. I was very determined to have christmas dinner. She said well make sure you get christmas dinner. So off to the er went again, I'm just thinking it's an ingrown hair. Didn't think anything of it. Get into see the doctor and I could tell that they were thinking there was more than just an ingrown hair cancer didn't come to mind at the time. Mhm. So they it didn't it didn't come to my mind I don't think it came to there. So there had been a resident first and she brought the doctor in again this is very normal now. And at a lot of hospitals you will see a resident who is working under a doctor. These residents can be first year to fourth year, they are going to be a doctor. The hospital would not unleash you on to somebody or unleash them story on to somebody. They're very qualified. Right? So she said you know can we bring the doctor in and I'm like sure. So she brought the doctor in and he kind of felt around and he said I want to do an ultrasound. And at that point I started to think okay maybe this is maybe a little bit more than just an ingrown hair again I didn't think cancer. So he did the ultrasound. And he said I'd like to send you to the breast clinic to have a mammogram. And an ultrasound. So I'm sorry. Yes, a mammogram and an ultrasound. So I said, okay, now my daughter is with me at this time. This is pre covid so she could be with me. So we kind of looked at each other thinking he's thinking that there's something else here. They sent me home with antibiotics and I did get my christmas dinner and it was really good. So Come January. This happened in December 24 as I said. So January the 9th I went to the breast clinic at the jura Vronsky mm. They did the ultrasound. Now I I don't want to sound like I'm whining and I don't want anybody to pity me because we are given what we're given. And I am so thankful that I have the blessed life that I have. The amazing friends, The beautiful house, the car, the amazing daughter. I couldn't ask for anything more. Yeah. In that moment when she said to me I have had back problems. So I've had plenty of procedures. And when she said to me, can we bring in the doctor to look at this ultrasound? I instinctively knew there was more there than just a small infection. Yeah. Somehow in the back of my mind. I suspect I did cancer. So they do the ultrasounds. They do the mammogram. The mammogram again was an indicator that they were seeing something that they weren't liking most mammograms when you have them. We all know it's the worst thing ever. But they do about 10 slides sometimes 12. This this time she did between four and 6 slides. So I instinctively knew that there was something that they're specifically looking for. She then asked me if they could do a biopsy right there. Please don't leave the hospital. We want to do a biopsy right away. And with your daughter with you at this time. Well she was with me at the hospital but not in the room because they wouldn't allow her even though she is a nurse. And even though she does work for the hospital um under that umbrella um not that specific hospital but under that umbrella she was still not allowed in the room. They don't allow anybody in the room. But the patient when they're doing things like ultrasounds and x rays and stuff like that. So when they said they wanted to do the biopsy Um I knew it was gonna be a few minutes. They said you know we're gonna need you to hang out for about 20 minutes and we'll get you and I said. Okay so I went out to see her and I looked at her and said they only did flies they did the ultrasound but really sort of focused on one area. They brought the doctor in and now they want to do a biopsy. And in that moment she looked out from her phone and said to me it's cancer. Mm I think we both knew at that time. So I sat in the chair and I started to cry but not tears of pity, tears of anger. I was very angry. Why why was this happening to me again? It wasn't a horrible person. At least I didn't think I was. So what did I do to deserve this? So I pulled myself together, they do the biopsy. And again because I have had other health problems, I can tell that they're seeing something, anybody who has had a biopsy, a ultrasound knows that the um technicians will not say anything to you. I could tell there was just something different about the way that they were doing things. So I had to wait um for the results to go to my family doctor. The results only took four days. But those four days were for really long days. A lot of discussions with my daughter if this is cancer, what's going to happen? Making sure that she understood that there were people around her that could support her. Yeah, making sure and again she's a nurse. So she knows a lot of medical stuff. Making sure that she had people at work that could support her, making sure that if this was a lot worse than it, you know worst case scenario that it could possibly be that there was going to be a support system for her. Um Again you know, you try because you should always put your Children before you, you try to make sure that she's okay. So again, you know, I had that moment of anger in that moment of why me, but I immediately snapped to why her she has, you know, mom go through cancer, but mom's okay. She's now lost her only uncle, she's now lost her dad and now her mom has just been died.