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Earliest sightings of the Octo-Squatch

From Audio: #5: Octo-Squatch
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The Cryptonaut Podcast
Last Played: May 25, 2021
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Hear the hosts of the Cryptonauts podcast delve deep into the story of the Octo-Squatch.
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we're not going to necessarily do a sasquatch just yet, but we are going to do the octo squatch, boom. Oh, here we go. They uh, so starts off here late at night on a desolate stretch of mountainous, spanish road. A pair of truckers had a confrontation with one of the most bizarre beasts ever reported. Scientific fact. Scientific facts. There we have it. I'll give you guys the breakdown during the summer of 61 at approximately 11 p.m. A 29 year old truck driver by the name of our committee Sanchez, which by the way, is one of the best games ever to meet. That is phenomenal. His parents deserve mad kudos. I think he's going on an adventure. Oh, well he is clearly in the mountains of Spain with the actor squad. Uh, so our committee Sanchez and an unnamed writing partner were negotiating the steep, fog shrouded roads that wind their way over the treacherous, treacherous and I've got some fucking brady, the treacherous basque mountains nestled in the northern spanish province of Vizcaya. We got the geography down. It's a route that Sanchez had traveled many times before. But on this fateful eve, he and his partner would encounter something. They would never forget the do do. Oh, we're nearing Puerto de Barajas are. I'm sorry Baraza. Help me out. Someone. You are all right. So obviously monolingual, no doubt eager to unload their hall and call it a night when their high beams illuminated a fantastic creature at the base of a sharp embankment on the opposite side of the road, Sanchez slammed on the brakes and he and his co worker stared in stunned silence at the inexplicable entity frozen before them. Sanchez would later describe this unclassified anomaly as a hairy octopus. Yeah, Yeah. Right there it's on the mountain. Know the basque mountains to be specific. So you don't want to hear the words harry an octopus in the same sentence. It seems like something went terribly wrong. Yeah. Well it's yeah, well enough in the water, it's just like dressing octopus, but it was like harry. They have like sweet slash hair. Like you don't want to hear that. Your pictures slash hair. That that's not what I was there. I was imagining more across of Sigmund, the sea monster from the old city market, croft and cousin it. Okay, so I went something like, yeah, basically went for an octopus wearing a slash hat slash hair and glasses. Like a nice tight, I like octopus meets snuffleupagus. Okay, well I have a imagination. So there you go. I like what you guys are going for. It sounds way cooler than the slash tapas. So All right, so let's let's get to more of the specifics here. This very octopus was approximately 3-4 ft tall and covered with a shaggy coat of rust colored hair. Okay, now I'm getting more of a visual in my mind. 3-4 ft. So there's not a lot, you know, it's not well, it depends on the octopus. I mean there's some very tiny occupied, it's all just getting called. It was like a tweet and this is this is on land, this is online and this is on a roadside in the mountains of spain. Porto bazaar. Yes, as well pronounced as we can possibly the three of us harry, teenage octopus, Teenage surly and rebellion. Even the ocean and finding its way. Okay, so the creature, as anything that you know has headlights bearing down on that would covered it's round glowing eyes with one of its four tentacle like arms. So just four tentacles, Not the usual eight or 10 you might find on a squid had round, glowing eyes. Round, glowing eyes. Now, the glowing thing in all fairness, you know, a lot of creatures when you hit it with a flashlight or headlights. Exactly, they have that reflective shine. So I'm not necessarily thinking that this thing has like self iridescent eyes, just maybe it's reflecting, but who knows? Um So the creature remained immobile, seemingly caught in the glare truck's headlights. Neither the truckers nor the creature moved for what the men estimated to be several minutes. Fear finally got the best of Sanchez and he ordered his associate to take the jackhammer out of the back of the truck to assault the bushy beat. Wait a minute. So hold on, I'm hoping that this is like a mis translation from what whatever the spanish account was to this because A. It's kind of a dick move telling your partner to get out of the truck when there's a weird creature, right? And and B. It's even more of a dick move to have him just try to assail this creature when it's not doing a camera. That's but a jackhammer is inexplicable. I don't even know how you would attack something with a jackhammer laid down, you put on top of their pretty fucking heavy, right? So like, yeah, they're extremely heavy and when you actually get them going and you need to have them hooked up to compressed air. Absolutely. It's an entire thing is a process, not a piercing weapon. Not at all. It's the best, the worst bludgeoning weapon ever conceived by man, Who am I thinking of the who I'm thinking of an image in my head, is it? Wesley snipes. Did he have like a am I thinking demolition man and getting them mixed up here? Did you have a jackhammer god or something? Like a jackhammer? And they were like using it as a no expert on, I think I'm crossing two things in my mind here. But okay. So dude tells us buddy, hey, get out of the truck, get the jackhammer and go after that thing. Yeah, we're his buddy wisely refused this committee, smart, terrible friends, horrible friend. A horrible thing to get. It was then that Sanchez made his move. He threw his truck and reverse, then drove straight toward the defenseless thing, stopping mere feet away from this enigmatic and possibly extraterrestrial entity. So he just drives at it and stops like a, like an eighties bully dick move. Yeah, that's all, that's all I can say. All right. So, but why even like it didn't, it didn't do a threatening No, they saw and they're like, oh, fuck that shit, let's jackhammer. Not even they let's let's give one name. Passenger comedians was like, look, comedians is being a complete, I was gonna invent some math because my name says I have to or be warrior one of those warriors, man, but I'm not being deck inside. Yeah, like this just seems kind of, I mean, okay, granted, I'm not there in this situation. I'm sure if chris and I and you were there too, and we're all riding in the truck and we got the jackhammers in the back and we see this thing. I mean, maybe the first instinct is to like run it over or try to run it over. All right. I mean, no, I'm Not coming at, you know, let's honestly do this for a second. Let's put ourselves in their place now. Uh, you know, accounting for the fact that it was 1961. So there's no cell phones and they probably didn't have a Super eight camera on them. If the three of us were on the road in the basket mountains or wherever. And we happened upon harry, octopus like creature with big round eyes standing by the side of the road. Um I think we would we would book, we would we would probably book, we would stop and study it for a little bit. I would say that no one's gonna believe us unless we have a body. I certainly would not recommend killing it because that is just a dick move. You don't know if it's the only one of its kind. You're not expecting friends. Like what a pile of these things like rush over the embankment swamp you you don't know. You don't want to try to trap it. I don't want to try to trap it. I do want to study it. I might try to make a quick sketch on a napkin or whatever is in the car. Okay, well first of all, I think the most important factor is I'm an artist. Dammit, let me draw when it pops out. How close are we to it. Does it say here? They are specifically say they come around the corner, they see this thing on the other embankment, but they get pretty damn close to it when Archimedes is being a dick. But the first and multiple times, he doesn't just do this once it turns out, he accelerates towards it multiple times, then backs up and this thing just can't. He's trying to struggle up the embankment, it can't make it because it's a steep embankment and maybe its limbs just weren't meant for climbing. So this thing seems to be trying to get away. Arquimedes doesn't want to kill it in all fairness, but he certainly wants to put the fear of God into it. Playing chicken, playing chicken with the octo squatch and then it's basically a stalemate. I mean generally when I see something on the road that I don't know what it is, I don't want to hit it with my car. No, I don't really stop and wait. And like is it a deer? Is this a squad? Well what is he expecting it to do? That's the other thing. What is what is our comedian? Sanchez fully is expecting his thing to jump up on the windshield suckers, ahoy and just try to get into terrible. Is he expecting it to run away And sheer terror and he can manly brag to all the ladies in his village that he scared a beast a beast. I just seems agenda is it didn't give him a reason to try to go after it. It wasn't hostile. He just kind of like it was just kind of doing its thing and it's just fuck that thing and the poor thing can't get up the embankment. It just stuck. I just imagine trying to climb, it keeps like falling down. Your picture is one of those toy sticky octopuses, like when they get a full of hair and they're just kind of asking a carpet that's done. That's what I picture. And I mean and then of course back to he tells his friend to get the jackhammer, which again is just bizarre because you got to actually connect that into like compressed air. I cannot believe that's an accurate translation. You definitely has to be on a compressor. I'm pretty sure. I'm almost positive. It's just like a portable baby one. The portable baby jacket. Yeah. Just maybe wasn't just a ball peen hammers and we just have the wrong. But even then, I mean you have to go over, kick the thing to the ground, put the jackhammer on top of it and then do what you like. I think a camera that has no air pump and just hit it really hard with a heavy object. It just seems like you don't know. It seems like a bad plan. It just seems kind of hostile for real. Not really no reason in the world, but in all fairness now let me but let me play Octa squatch advocate here And it seems like a defenseless Harry 3- four ft tall semi occupied. But this thing could be deadly as the dickens. It could be, we don't know. This thing could be full of like venom and hate and, and, and for all we know, our committees instincts were absolutely correct. We he just doesn't have the document.
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