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Episode 3 of 444

Giving Unsolicited Husbandry Advice

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station description A podcast devoted to the proper care and upkeep of tarantulas and other inverts. Af... read more
Tom's Big Spiders - Tarantulas and Inverts
Duration: 44:00
We've all experienced it: You're on social media, and you see pics from a keeper who is not practicing correct husbandry with his spiders. Maybe it's the old sponge in the water dish or an arboreal species in a terrestrial enclosure. Or, it might be a moisture dependent species kept too dry or a dea
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We've all experienced it: You're on social media, and you see pics from a keeper who is not practicing correct husbandry with his spiders. Maybe it's the old sponge in the water dish or an arboreal species in a terrestrial enclosure. Or, it might be a moisture dependent species kept too dry or a death trap enclosure filled with sharp decorations. Whatever the case, you want to offer advice, but you don't want to come across as a know-it-all. In this episode, we'll discuss some tips for offering unsolicited tarantula advice in a way that doesn't offend.
Snippet Transcripts
if you're going to approach somebody about something they're doing wrong, especially in a public forum and we'll get into that in a moment, then you really need to worry about. Your tone tone is incredibly important. Now back in the day, I used to be more active on Iraq snowboards. I love Iraq keyboards, just if you want a wealth of information, there is so much there, even to some of the archive stuff, that's fantastic, but it had a reputation for being a bit hostile towards people that were new to the hobby. People would come on post a question that they thought was a legit good question. Something they were worried about and they would get attacked by the mob and I think some of that, there were some really good people on there and there was some bad apples that really tear people apart. Unfortunately there's still, you know, one or two of them left, but there's some awesome nowadays, some great people there cold blood, one of the ones that moderate on has been great with answering questions. A lot of knowledge is breeding. But anyway, that was when I got started in the hobby, that was the place everybody went to and would post on. And it became immediately apparent that there were different ways of approaching questions the way that if you want to turn somebody off right off the bat when they ask a question or say something that you don't think is correct, sit there and make them feel stupid, belittle them. That's the best way to make sure nobody is ever going to listen to a word you say. I teach obviously for a living and one of the things is knowing that people don't like to take criticism. It can be very difficult to try to get a student to participate and offer up questions and to feel comfortable in that environment if you make them feel in a way that they feel like an idiot when they open up their mouths. So for example, let's take a situation where somebody posts up. Hey guys, look at my new setup I did for my B. T. Osteoporosis and they have this big 10 gallon aquarium, they've got two inches of substrate, they've got all these pointy sharp decorations in the bottom, There's no water dish, there's no hide. Now, obviously that isn't, I'm doing it outrageous example of it, but obviously that is not a good set up for anything. Never mind. It's the elbow pelosis. So there's a couple of ways you can address that coming onto their post and saying, wow, that's set up is atrocious. Well that stuff there, you're going to end up with a dead spider pretty soon. That's the way to turn somebody off right off the bat. They're not going to let you have some people to be like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. Other people like heck with you, man, I'm not listening because it's rough. It's, it's confrontational. It's not something that makes this person feel comfortable in opening up and engaging. You may be asking some important questions like what part of this is bad now, coming forward going, hey, beautiful, beautiful T alba pelosis you have there. I'm not sure if you're familiar with keeping this species, but here are a couple of things I'm noticing. That's a better way. It sets a better tone. A more constructive tone. One that's less confrontational one, that's less likely to get that person upset because obviously they're going to be receiving criticism and you want to not trigger defensiveness. You, they're going to be regardless of the information, they're going to have that little pang in their chest. Like, oh God, I'm embarrassed now you don't want that to turn into a confrontational situation. So just the way you phrase it has a lot to do with whether or not people will listen to what you're going to say because ideally if you're doing this for the right reasons, you want them to feel comfortable enough to not only take what you give them, but perhaps ask some questions back towards you. Hey, you said there's a water disk, I thought they could drown in water dishes or hey, I thought they needed sponges because they use their things like straws and then you can kind of ease into it and hopefully it turns into a nice conversation Now, the problem with social media and I think we can all agree on this, especially say I'm thinking your typical face group book group for every one person that says something nice, another person's gonna come on, be a jerk about it and just rip them to shreds because they didn't do their research. And that's part of the problem. If it's you and one other person, that's one thing, if it's you on a forum, they're gonna get jumped on. So I will say one thing I would also encourage people do is if you're seeing one of those threads blow out of proportion or the person is getting hammered even if there's a couple con voices in there and usually there's one or two people that come on and say, hey, ignore the rest of these idiots. Here's some things to think about here is why what you can always do is private message. I used to do this a lot on a rocket boards. People would get ripped up. I would shoot them a little private message said, Hey, you know, so sorry for the way you've just got treated out there that these guys are kind of hostile, but it's because they love spiders so much and then kind of background. So this is what they're trying to say. And I've had a lot of luck back in the day with people going, hey, you know, thanks so much for reaching out because what ends up happening in these situations when you do turn somebody off like that, they close up, they become defensive and they walk away and they're never going to get that information. They're not going to them. I'm assuming the ones that storm off and go to heck with you people or they don't make the changes that they need to change wherein if you contact them, they feel comfortable. They asked some questions. I've had people go back and forth before five times again. It takes time to do this correctly.
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