And I hope that through this record, and I hope that through the conduit that that is me, that I can do whatever I can to just, you know, be a citizen of the world. I was born this way. This is how I am. I feel this way and and helped to shape and shift culture in a way that it is kind. That is my rebellion. That's what makes me a punk is that I don't give up that people think I'm annoying because I talk about doing good things.
a new love. Can you describe how it feels and how different it is, Knowing yourself better now I think I forgive myself. I forgive myself for all the ways I've punished myself and private. You know, I've been open about the fact that I, you know, used to cut. And I've been open about the fact that I've have had masochistic tendencies that are not healthy and their their ways of expressing shame, their ways of expressing feeling not good enough. But actually they're not effective. They just make you feel worse and you think that you deserve to be hurt and you think that you don't deserve good things. You think you don't deserve happiness. And you know, I have these, like, scars on my wrists and, like, uh, it's been something that's kind of bothered me for years when I've seen ever when I was younger, I don't I don't really read the Internet anymore, to be honest. But when I was younger, I would see people right, like like those scars on her arms are disgusting. And that makes you feel even worse because it makes no sense why someone that feels sad would want to hurt themselves and some to to a lot of people, that makes no sense. To me. It makes a lot of sense. Once I made deals with myself, you know, like you're not doing that anymore. Now when you want to hurt yourself and said, If you want to throw yourself against the wall like and scream, you tell someone I wish to not glamorize this in any way to anyone that's listening to this interview or watching this interview. You do not need to hurt yourself or be crazy to be a superstar. You don't have to hurt yourself to feel better, even though, like, yeah, temporarily, you think it's going to cut the paint off that's going on in your brain last two seconds. The harder thing to do is to ask for help and to tell someone to answer your question in long form. These are some of the things that I've been through, and then I stopped and I forgave myself eventually. But I think I forgave myself because I decided that I was human and that made me feel better. It made me I was like, Oh, I'm doing this incredibly human thing Even though I feel like a plastic doll. Look at me. I'm self inking human, And now you're able to feel love and be loved, right? And know what it feels like and not try to burn it down Because you don't deserve it. No. When l love when that word gets bigger when you love someone and and somebody like me Uh, that usually inspires like what we were saying in the beginning. Be unconscious to go Don't do it. You're gonna get hurt Don't love your you don't deserve love Look how you look at all the weird shit you've done. Look how you act Look how you look at what I used to say was crazy behavior that I now have extreme compassion for not only myself but other people who experienced this that l as it gets bigger as I love someone more I am internally being yelled at by a voice that is buried inside of me. And it's hard, but it's worth fighting for. You know, one of my favorite lyrics on this album is every single day. Yeah, I dig a grave. Then I sit inside it, wondering if I'll behave. It's a game I play, and I hate to say you're the worst thing and the best thing that's happened to me, All this stuff that made me start the album with Could you pull me out of this alive, right? All that stuff that that's that's exactly the stuff that pointed to my humanity. It's exactly the stuff that pointed to my ability to make music. It's exactly the stuff that brought me back to who I am. So I guess what I'm trying to say say Zane, is if you're listening to this album and your suffering in any type of way, just know that that's suffering within itself is a sign of your humanity and you are not broken. You are connected to the whole world and we are one giant body. We are one full entity, and the whole you is having a whole human experience, and there might be parts of your life that feel like completely shallower, robotic or ancillary and unimportant, and that's okay. But that suffering is a sign that you're right
in me saying yes. Do I think it's unfair that celebrities are like, put in this place where we're not allowed to have problems? Yes, But at that same time, I would like to validate the problems of all these other people that are not famous, right, and then also validate the fact that, like on the Internet and through social media, we have created these, you know, millions upon perhaps billions of enigmas that are are, you know, avatars of who we are online in order to deal with ourselves. And it's part of how we feel safe. But it's turning on us and it begins to turn on you because you start to feel the economy. It's a totally false economy, and and the currency is shallow. It right? It's like you can't be. You can't be pretty enough on instagram. You can't be thin enough. You can't be hot enough. You can't be rich enough. You can't be. I mean, if you're not in it for impact. Like if you're not like famous because you're trying to help the world or make an impact on the world. The return on what you're putting in is A is a like and that is a bottomless pit that is like you are literally circling the drain going Oh, I'm valuable. If I get a ton of likes No, that is not what makes you valuable. What makes you valuable are your values, your morals, your ethics, your code, how you act, how you treat people, your behavior. That's what makes you who you are not how many people like your post Once you realize that once you come to that conclusion and you identify that you know there are more significant tent poles you should be planting rather than the ones that are planted for you or that seem to, and they move with.