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Laura McKowen Says Sobriety is Nothing Like She Thought It Would Be

From Audio: EP 241: 'We Are the Luckiest' with Laura McKowen

Duration: 04:56
Laura McKowen, author of "We Are The Luckiest," talks about how the reality of sobriety took her completely by surprise. She also relates that, in her opinion, sobriety can mean standing in the fire of whatever it is you're feeling, and letting it wash over you.
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Laura McKowen, author of "We Are The Luckiest," talks about how the reality of sobriety took her completely by surprise. She compares addiction to riding a train that you need to get off, but your misconceptions about disembarking keep you on board. But, according to Laura, if you take a chance and get off, life after getting off the train is better than she could have imagined. She also says that, in her opinion, sobriety can mean standing in the fire of whatever it is you're feeling, and letting it wash over you.
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just like disbelieving that the two options were to keep going as I was, which I knew I couldn't write though. I tried to hang on as long as I could or get sober was like, that's just, it was like it was bargaining. I mean, it's just part of it. My question is like, now that you know what it feels like to live the life you're living now. Um, because I think that, okay, so I don't know if it's going to make sense at all. That's just something that's like, all right. Like here, here's how you were before. This is the train that we're on. I love the train, by the way. I so I use the train and I had a train situation in my own stories. Train chapters. So good. Yeah, but this is a train were on and we see where it's headed and we're like a crap, well we have to get off this train, but then we have this idea of sobriety, right? And so you're looking for this third door and it kind of almost strikes me that like in some ways, by going through the door of sobriety, you actually find the third way because it's nothing like you thought it was going to be. Yeah, that's pretty brilliant. True. Yes. It's not at all. Like I thought it was going to be at all the coolest it is, but it's like you gotta go through, you have to go through it to get there, you know? And that that going through a part of really difficult. I mean, it was for me, Yeah, there's other people um the book Fear and I can never pronounce his name, Check non han han, techno han. Anyway, it's like the premise of this book is like, take yourself down to the ash so that you can live fully right. And it's not that you eradicate fear. You make it go away. But if you, like, if you intentionally feel it feel the most intense fear, feel the fear of losing your Children or your life or your loved ones or your dog or whatever it is, all the fear that you've been burying and like take it all the way down to the ground, then actually your life becomes so much richer. And I feel like that's a lot like this journey. Um I was reading a book called, I forget it's about this concept called The Winning Strategy and it's the same thing. It's like we're so clinging to how things have been. But if you take it, she takes it all the way. It's such a brutal chapter. She literally takes it all the way to the like the every single human being is going to die with regret and with happiness and regret and you're like, there's just not even a there's not even a chance they're going to reach a place were like, uh and it's done and now I can die. Like you will always die feeling like you wish you would have done something differently. You will have some level of disappointment, you have some level of regret. And she like drive this point home because she was like, if you know that, then just like let it all go and like just start living, you know, and it's so interesting. Yeah, it is so interesting and it's like, you know, we can read about these things and hear about these things and learn about these things and I was like a life. I am a lifetime seeker. I was always drawn to this type of messaging and philosophy, but until you have have your face pressed up against that wall and you have to actually, oh my gosh, you have to actually do that. Um You it's expect my sponsors is it's experiential only. You know, you have to experience it and and when you walk up to the edge of that cliff, you have to jump off, you know, and so that you do burn to ash. I mean if you can boil sobriety down to there's many things, but I would say one of the key things is, yeah, standing in the fire, whatever it is you're feeling and letting it wash through you. I mean we we as humans really From day one kind of construct our lives to not feel things that are uncomfortable and sobriety forces you up against those edges. And what I have learned and seen and experience is that it in those places where I have actually felt most held its like when it's empty, when there is truly nothing. You know, the wisdom of no escape is what thomas Children calls it. There's there's wisdom there. Mhm. Yeah. And so it's I feel like that's what sobriety has been, It's just like you're continually peeling back those these safeguards that you've tried to create to protect yourself from a direct experience of life. Which is crazy because the direct experience for me is what I was looking for, like that's what I wanted.
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