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Listen to The Jack Benny Program Audio: The Lunch Counter | Jack Benny - Single Episodes - 1938-1939 | Audio

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station description THE JACK BENNY PROGRAM The Jack Benny Program aired from May 2, 1932 until June 2... read more
Jack Benny - Single Episodes - 1938-1939 | Old Time Radio Show | Audio
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Duration: 29:30
In this episode of The Jack Benny Program, listen to the banter between the cast as they visit their local lunch counter.
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In this episode of The Jack Benny Program, listen to the banter between the cast as they visit their local lunch counter. Jack and the crew discuss the possibility of Phil starting his own program.

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Hey, the General Program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Kenny Baker and yours Truly, Don Wilson. The orchestra opens a program with Go South, Young Man Ah, popular Star Out now called April in My Heart, and that gives me an idea. April, with its fresh springtime colors, is a long way off, but you can get a touch of spring into your main. You tomorrow just served Jell O for dessert for Jell 06 glowing colors or surprise and cheerful for fresh and gay. They perk up any meal, and those six delicious flavors bring you extra rich fruit goodness. Strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon and lime. Everyone is crammed with extra fruit richness. Adept the flavor that rivals the fresh, ripe fruits themselves, no matter how you serve it. Dressed up a perfectly plain jello is a grand desert, tempting and good, with extra rich flavor, bright and gay with springtime color. So ask your grocer tomorrow for America's favorite gelatin dessert, Jello South Young man, played by the orchestra. And now, ladies and gentlemen, we turn back the clock and take you to the drug store across the street from the NBC building here in Hollywood. The time is exactly 15 minutes before this broadcast. Take it away. Drugs, dog. You'll have to hurry. Mary. We haven't got much time. I'm hungry. Look, if you'll wait till after the broadcast, I'll take you out and buy you a full course dinner. I'm no gambler. I'll take a sandwich now. All right. It's up to you. Hey, here's a couple of seats. Madame, would you mind taking your Pekinese off this seat? Stools air for customers? Well, couples having a hot fudge sundae. Oh, he is. That's all his face needs. Some hot fudge on a staff are being Jack. Here's a couple of seats over here. Okay, Couple here. Oh, hello there. Hello, Mary. Will it be today? Oh, Jesse, Sandwich. Have a peanut butter jelly. Olive, not bacon cheese. Roast beef and turkey on whole wheat. Wow. Oh, Gilroy. Yes. Rats live. Hit the jackpot on whole wheat. Want something else married now That the all? Okay, what your father have I'll have I'm not her pop. I'm Jack Benny. Let's see. I think I'll take the businessman's line. Are you a businessman? No, you can't have it. Wait a minute, Young man. I order the businessman's lunch on, and I'm going to get it out. Oh, did you buy that man's ankle ankle? Nothing. And take them off that stool. Fine. Fine. Pig unease. Well, I bought him in a sale. Sale? Yes. He was marked down from a great Dane. Well, that's very interesting. All right, Mr what do you have? Oh, I'm not in the movie now. Just bring me a cup of coffee. Oh, here's something good, Jack. Dunker special dunker special. What's that? A coffee. Donuts and rubber gloves. 15 cents. Well, that's very sanitary, but not for me. Oh, I know what I'll have a chocolate malted milk. Chocolate Malted milk? Yes. And put an egg in it. Fried or scrambled? Look, I want a malted milk with just a plain raw egg in it. A raw A. Okay, Okay. All right. Yes. One morning milk for a barbarian. What a smart Alec. Probably I'd like to aspirin tablets in the glass of water. Yes. There you are. Faces familiar sandwich. Marry a five decker. Oh, boy. That's something. Yeah, It looks like Grauman's Chinese with potato chips even got footprints in the mayonnaise. Oh, you're just making that up. Here's your morning milk, Groucho. Hey, wait a minute. Do I ordered a mall of milk, and this is a nice green soldier. That's not ice cream. That's an egg. Well, the least you could do is take it out of the shell. Clumsy. Don't catch a break. An egg. If I could break a neck, I'd punch you right in the nose. Oh, you want Red Cliff? Is that man annoying? You know, Gilroy put down that cupcake. That's a fine way to treat customers. I must find Cuddles. I'll give you just 10. Carlos, I'll give you just handle. Let go of my garden. 1230 my leg started. He ruined a perfectly good pair of gardeners. Go on. You had no elastic put in him 12 times. Well, the metal isn't the least bit rusty. I don't want this more than milk. Now, why don't you order something else, Jack? Say, buddy, What's that lady having over there with the ice cream, pineapple whip cream and marshmallow and the cherry on top? Where? Right over there. That's her husband. Oh, I'm looking, isn't it? I'll tell you what, Just bring me a cup of coffee. Coffee? Yeah. Thank a pancreas. Make a guess. Bring me a cup of coffee with no ad lib. Pardon me? I'd like to More aspirin tablets in the glass of water. Yes. Here you are. You know, Mary, I've seen that guy someplace. Ojo. Kenny, I attack. I gotta grab something to eat. Quick. My girls waiting outside your girls waiting outside. I want to bring her in. She's watching my bicycle. You can't put a lock on the bicycle, so I trust her. Well, as mighty sweetie, IAC, anyone would pay. That's the, uh, give me a tuna fish sandwich on rye bread. Okay. Nobody know. Let us know. Manage. Okay. All right. Yes. Red Live one to non, right. Nor brush. No ladder, Nora. Now, now, that's just going off. I want a side order of coleslaw with that. Just a minute. Kgo way. Got any calls, Law? Oh, just ahead of it. Well, that's entrancing tale over there. I think I'll go away. My Okay. Wait a minute, Mary. I'll go with you. Don't eat my sandwich. I won't. What? What time? It is Anybody Go away on a run that come here. He's just jealous because you've got air. Listen, lady, if you think that Oh, hello, Don. Why, Jack? I didn't see you. Have I got time to eat? You have a hurry up. Down. We go on the air in a few minutes. Well, let's see, Mr Wilson. Well, I'd like a glass of milk in the large dish of Jell O. What flavor? Strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon or lime. Mix them up with sliced banana. Don, get two spoons. With that, I'll race you to the middle. Last one there has to pay for a pardon me, I'd like to More aspirin tablets in the glass of water. That's six aspirin tablets. Say, Mr have you got a headache? No, but don't tell a book. He'll think I'm nuts. Oh, no. I know who he is. That guy's crazier than my Aunt Minnie's quilt. Sajak, We don't want to be late. We better be getting over the studio. Yeah, we're out in a few minutes. Oh, Jack, I just got on a scale that How much do you think away? I'm not Ah, £103. Boy, if I didn't put on any weight you've been watching putting on weight. I've been put on Ah, 100. Ah, £103. And you put on weight? Yeah. Only wait seven. When I was born. You better watch yourself. You know? What else can he got one of those little cards with fortune on it. Oh, he did. What does it say it is? It says that you are shrewd, clever and intelligent until you open your mouth. May you Senate, they don a don. What's your weight anyway? Already don't know. Come on. There's a good chance to find out. No, nothing. No. Come on, Don. Here, come here. I've got a penny. You better put in a nickel here. We are not. Get on the scale. Really? Nothing. Not stand still. All right. Here, Carey home. I have a lot of difference. That'll make the whole still down. Wow. Look at that. 100. 150. 200 to 300. Oh, my Oh, Kenny. Happy pick up. Done. Okay. What does it say? That's a good idea. Let's get out of here. Okay. All right. Yes. Flu turned on the radio. It's time for the general program. Come along, Cuddles way. Way played by the orchestra. Now, ladies and gentlemen, if you listen in to Fred Allen's program last Wednesday night, I bring you a man who needs no further introduction. Jack Benny again, this is Jack Benny talking. And don, I gather from that little announcement of yours that Allen was throwing verbal dark. That my bull's eye again, Is that it? Yes, Jackson, you're hearing? No, my radio was on, but unfortunately, I was eating salary at the time. Loud, kind from youthful. Tell me, was Alan as witty as ever, or was he better? Well, Jack, I have to admit, he did get a lot of laughs at your expense. Oh, he did? Well, I won't have to worry about him long. The television will soon be here, and he'll either have to have his face lifted or get in a barrel and broadcast through a bung hole. Wait a minute. Jack Allen may not be handsome, but when you come right down to it, he isn't so bad looking. He isn't don. He's the only Irishman I ever saw that could eat in a Chinese restaurant and be mistaken for a waiter if he wasn't allergic to soap and water. he could open a laundry. Let's drop the subject of Mr Allen. Oh, by the way, Don, I noticed you were limping when you came into the studio just now. Did you have an accident of some kind? Well, uh, Come on, don, tell us. Well, let me see. Oh, yes. I was out riding this morning in my horse. Threw me. Oh, through you Don. There's a possibility that you could have fallen off a horse, but the horse that can throw you doesn't live. Tell me, Fibber McGee. Wilson out of this out of this unfortunate accident happened. Well, Jack, it was like this. I was cantering through the post. Your sure just stop down, folks. I gotta tell you what really happened, Wilson. We were in a drug store just before are now, Jack. Anyway, Don stepped on the weighing machine, and right now it's getting pennies in heaven. Boy, what a rank, Jack, I wish you have said that. Now people will get the idea that I'm really fat don. When you step into your shoes, your rubber heel spread out like pancake batter. I can't understand how a guy can gain so much weight on the salaries I pay. You're not kidding. You know, Don, Every time I look, that woman would have to bring Cuddles to the broadcast. Oh, hello, Phil. Hi. Jackson has a boy, Jackson. Well, every time I meet you lately, you call me Jackson. What's the big idea? Well, that's as close as I could get the jackass and still be polite. Ah, that's very funny. You know, fill your clever enough to have your own program, which you better start looking. No, Jack, I couldn't let you down. You need a guy like me around here? Oh, I dio sure. After all, I'm the only sex appeal on the show. Is that so? Phil? Did you, by any chance, hear me on the Screen Actors Guild program last week in that romantic bit with Joan Crawford? Oh, was that you? I thought it was guy Kibby. You know, Don Well, it was me. I got that smart wire you send me. I didn't send Jenny wire. Not much. Who else would send me a 10 word telegram with seven? Lousy is in it. And another thing feel the next time you send a wire from Pomona, don't sign a George Bernard Shaw. He moved from there. You know, Harris, you remind me of a guy. Our guy. Oh, Madam, Madam. Lost your must. Your dog bark when I'm talking. You don't expect him to laugh to you? Nobody could wipe that sneer off his face. Keeping quiet, please. Let's see. What was I talking about? I don't know. I just came in. Oh, hello, Mary. Mary Jack was just telling us about the program he did with Joan Crawford last week. Were you there? I'll say I waas And boy, was Jack nervous? I wasn't nervous at all. Naturally, I was a little keyed up working with Miss Proper, but I was not nervous. You know, you always sit down on chairs when they're not there. I just did that for a laugh, That's all. Everything went along fine. Del avoids what happen in rehearsal. Jack, What wasn't married? Oh, well, I was just about to finish their big seen A Jack was supposed to kiss Miss Crawford, Jack Joan in his arms and better over back. Many better overload. Uh, now, Mary, what happened? Jack to face. All right. In your face. And you fainted. Mary, That wasn't my to pay at all. That was my Beanie. Well, it had a part in it that only happened in rehearsal, but the routine sounded all right over the air, Believe me. Not according to Fred Allen Wednesday night. Say what is Alan anyway? A barometer or something? He doesn't learn to keep his mouth shut. I'm gonna do something about it. I wouldn't get tough with him, Jack. You know, Allen's pretty athletic guy. Athletic? Sure. I saw a picture of him in a fan magazine the other day and he was posing in tight and boxing gloves. Yeah, but the hair on his chest said Welcome. And speaking of that picture, fellas, did you notice his legs? They looked like two sleepy people. Imagine Alan posing as a fighter. One of these days, I'm gonna have my picture taken being shot out of a cannon and in a leopard skin, I'll show him. All right, champ, Relax. Take it easy. Beat me too. I'll get in the ring with Allen. Any day you laughing, You wouldn't get in the ring with Ferdinand the Bull. I was very cute. Mary, When Phil has his own program, you're gonna be a big help toe that we've got the first show all written. Oh, I see. And what are you gonna call your little comedy act? Merrion? Phil Corn as you like. It certainly got the right title. Say, Where's Kenny? It's time for him to do a song. Here I am, Jay. Oh, where were you, Kenny? I was over in the corner counting my toes, counting your cold. Yeah, I counted. I count and I still get 22 can. Either your arithmetic is bad or Ripley is waiting for you next time. Don't come in here with such a silly routine. A tall Well, I was just trying it out for feels New show. Listen, Kenny, I just said that a while ago when I was mad, Phil isn't gonna have his own show. He is, too. We offered me $8000 in carfare. Very generous in the $8000 a week. Not only that, I get extra money for writing the program. Oh, you're gonna write the show too. Well, that ought to be worth listening to you. Yeah, not only that. Quiet. Go ahead with your song. Wait a minute, Phil. Is it all right If I sing on this program? Sure, kid. But hold back. You get up that microphone, young man, and saying all right. Oh, shut up. I mean, Kenny, I always be a dream Where I was born on I was born to love You'll be creaming off you weigh the evening You only my And I can see you my way More lights on die sink In my chair The small for my cigarette climbs the watch my room way And I'm more Makes a stairway for you to descend You come to my arms May this bliss never end way When I'm vaping agree And from the way my cigarette burns I wake with a start My hand Isn't pain in my heart away every memory way Ah, deep in a dream Sung by Kenny Baker and Kenny That's one of the best song you've sung this year. I know you put so much feeling into it Really? It was thrilling. Oh, you're just trying to flatter me to all Stay with your program bladder You I can see through that brother Kenny, for three years, and I've been raving about your voice and all of a sudden It's flattery. You on Grateful Little Brand. How? Wait a minute. You don't aggravate my tenor. I refuse to continue this discussion about your imaginary program. However, if you happen, do happen to get one. I'd only be too glad to let you have Kenny and married. Be sure to take those broken down troubadours with, You know, I'm sending them to Paul Whiteman. Don't send him CEO deal. They'll return with the Swallows anyway. Phylis, Far as I'm concerned, you and Kenny and Mary can all go. Just leave me good old Don Wilson. And I'm satisfied where you should be. You're still getting more than half. Let me ask you something, very. Suppose you did go with Phil. Who's going to give you those good, snappy jobs like that? Last one? Yeah. Don't be cute. Who's gonna write your material? Oh, we've got to swell riders. Oh, yeah? Who are they? No coward. Maxie Rosenbloom. Find combination. Of course. I don't know what I'm getting myself all worked up for. It's also silly. Don't worry, Jack. No matter what happens, I won't leave you. I'll stick with you and Jello from Strawberry. The line had a boy down and I regret that I have but one life to give for my sponsor. John, you're a Rio pill. Maybe that'll teach these traders here something about loyalty. Well, g with Jack, we're not the only ones. I heard you on the program of Joan Crawford last week. Well, that was a special broadcast, Kenny, for one appearance only. So how did you like it? Oh, a swell. Hey, Jack, I was wondering is Joan Crawford is beautiful as she looks. Of course, she's beautiful. And she's marvellous toe work with me. I got so excited listening to the broadcast. Did you really kiss her? Well, I certainly I did. Who held her? Don't be so flippant. Crawford enjoyed working. Meet with me very much. He told me so. And as a little memento of the broadcast, I sent her a lovely bottle of perfume where in fact, I sent Rochester over to her house with it this morning. You were on the air whether a week ago. Why did you wait till today to send her perfume? Rochester was making it nothing of the kind. I send Jones some really important stuff. It's called a loon. Gloor Depot. Till a more. What does that mean? Love it twice. I'd also removes stains. You know, Mary, do you speak, friend? You're all wrong. It's exquisite perfume. And I'm sure Miss Probert will like it. And now, ladies and gentlemen, if I may interrupt my cast, I would like to announce our play for next week. As a special treat, We are going to offer our version of the Encyclopedia Britannica. Now I will play the part apart me book. Hello? Hello again. This is not just talking. I know it is. What do you want? Because I don't think I'm gonna be able to pick you up after the broadcast. Your cars on the boom. What's wrong with it? Well, one thing the back tires of flowers. Mr. Wilson. Really? You, for heaven's sakes, get busy. Can't you blow up the tires? The pumping? No. Good. Since you made those cream pose with that's right, G was How am I going to get home? Why don't you take a taxi? I'll split it with you. Well, that's very kind of you, but I'll manage somehow. See you later. So long ball along. Or Rochester. Did you take that perfume over to miss proffered. Yes, in person. That's good that she opened it. No, she just took a slow look at the price tag and then a quick one. Why don you Rochester? I told you to take the price tag off the Bible. Your balls are raised, razor. I put a one in front of 12. 50 now. Well, I gotta hand it to your Rochester. That was quick thinking. Yeah, Maybe I should get going. Maybe you shouldn't. I don't know. I ever trust you to do anything. You show absolutely no judgment or foresight. I'm a butler, not a swami. All right, forget it. Next time, I'll know better. So long. So long. By the way, Rochester. Just a minute. I just thought if the car is out of commission and you can pick me up tonight, how did you get over to miss Crawford's house with that perfume? I'll think of something for you. Get home. He better think of something. What's the matter? Jackson failed. You not only have your own program, but you might also have a very good end man. Playboy complement. Your guest for you is last for a second. Helping here's additions guaranteed to bring them back for more. It's the new Jello butterscotch pudding. And let me tell you right now, it's one of the grandest desserts. You ever dipped a spoon in its mellow and creamy smooth that has a grand, tempting color like rich golden taffy and a lot of flavor. That good old fashioned butterscotch flavor that you used to love when you were a youngster. And here it is in the new Jello butterscotch pudding so grand you just have to taste it to appreciate it. Then try Jell O chocolate putting rich and smooth and real chocolatey on jello vanilla pudding with a delicate, creamy flavor that's delicious. All three jello pudding zehr quick and easy to prepare. With only a few moments cooking, you'll find the simple directions on every package. On the best way is to buy three packages of the time, so ask your grocer tomorrow for jello, butterscotch chocolate and vanilla pudding. The rial homemade kind. We're a little late, so good night, folks. This is a national broadcasting company
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