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Meet Cute With a Lizard Man

From Audio: 2.06: Second Citadel - Knight of the Crown, Lord of the Swamp (Part 1)

station description At the Penumbra, you might follow Juno Steel, a brooding, sharp-witted private eye ... read more
The Penumbra Podcast
Duration: 05:28
Sir Damien knows all about fighting monsters, and he's on guard for an especially important celebration- The Festival of Three. But when he encounters a new creature- while he's injured, no less- Sir Damien might find himself fighting a different battle than what he's used to.
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Here there be monsters! Sir Damien is among the best in protecting The Second Citadel. It's The Festival of Three, and if there was any time to strike, it would know. Sir Damien meets an interesting creature while he's injured, no less- and the battle might get a little hairy. Or should we say, scaly?
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Saints above something. In the Queen's chambers. Oh, tranquility. Fill this arrow with your calm, Your strength. Has it disappeared? Yeah. If you think that was a disappearance, human, I'm afraid that says more about your eyes than my speed. Step back, Beast. A night at the Queen will not tolerate a monster in her majesty's chambers. I'll give you one chance little night. Three seconds to step back out that door and pretend you never saw me here. A tempting offer. One, though, I must say I do find this spectacle fascinating too. I've never seen a lizard count before. Even one who walks on two legs. 3 very tricky little human. Your error almost struck me. If you think that was a trick, friend, lizard, I'm afraid that says more about your eyes than my speed. You may prove to be the quickest witted human I ever kill. And you may prove to be the most cultured corpse I ever claim. Ha, mm. I didn't think nights were such cowards. With that bow keeping you at a distance, you can move long before I ever reach you. And with those four knives in your four hands, you could cut me to shreds in seconds. But if you can never approach and I can never hit you the stalemate, I don't have time for this. Then I suppose we'll have to come to some sort of agreement, won't we? All right. My terms first. You stand still, then you die, declined my counterproposal. You drop three of your knives immediately. Ha why not? Four minus three is one and one weapon against one seems Personal. You humans have finally gotten around to mathematics. Have you only 1000 years after us? Do you accept my terms? I will not entertain your insults? A knife against a bow? Never. Well, I've known knife to use. Hello? Mhm. There's one So there is. Mhm. Well, drop your bow now. I will if you throw your knives onto the balcony, what? I intend to have a fair fight monster throw your knives and I will throw my bow. There. Are there any other rules? Can we fight now or do I have to draw a card 1st? No cards except the ones fate deals us demon and the quaint little prayer cards they'll print for your funeral, approach me beast and we'll see who dies by the saints above. I am tranquility itself and proud of it, aren't you? Wow. Yeah, mm hmm. Yeah, you hold my knife like a butcher little night treated with some respect. I may not have your skill with a blade. Friend, lizard, but I'm twice your stamina winded already Stamina. You start dueling right after you scaled a 40 ft wall. The rocks you humans through together to build this tower or as slippery as they are structurally irresponsible. Ha! Who has structurally irresponsible is architecture one of the lizards hobbies. Then you read floor plans while you sit on your eggs and bask in the sun. You may waste your time with hobbies. Little night. I have only craft a master architect. Come burglar sneaking into people's windows and then criticizing the molding. These monsters. Think of everything, don't they? Mm hmm. Everything except boxing lessons. Evidently you're likely to give yourself a concussion if you keep careening into corners this way and perhaps the concussion has come earlier than expected. And you little night. Are you a master of anything besides crackling? On and on? No. Well, at least you're honest. I'm a poet by trade. Friend lizard. My words can strike at the heart with all the speed and power of my arrows when I'm not beating evil counts. I'm counting holy beats. I am just as likely to disarm with a compliment as my blade. That cape looks quite handsome on you. By the way, it matches your eyes violet as amethyst. A poet, delicate as honeysuckle, aren't you? And your blood will be just as delicious, I think.
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