thingy she became and the more that her prospective boyfriends couldn't handle it. And so they ended up like the relationship kind of fell apart and then what happened, like it's kind of subtle, right? So like if I'm let's say that I need reassurance from you and then I ask you for that reassurance and then you give it and the next day I ask, and you give it and the next day that I ask and you give it and then eventually you kind of get fed up and you leave. What do you think happens to the next person I date? How does that relationship look? Okay. I think I understand. Um I guess this is what I was listening in um I was paying too much attention to like the details where I felt the big picture in that sense. Yeah, sure. There's a big picture of the story, I lost it because I spent too much time to understand the specifics, yep, I see that. Okay, so if I have a relationship where I need a lot of reassurance from someone, can I drive, huh? And then and then you start getting it in the next one or whatever. Well no, it's not even that I stopped getting it. What do you think happens in the next one? So like my need for your love once you leave me, what happens to how much love I need um no idea actually tell me. Okay, so so what happened with her is that she kind of felt like so that person left? Right? And so the second relationship, it's even worse because now someone has abandoned her again and so she needs more and more reassurance and then she drives the second person away and then two people leave. And then she's like oh my God I need more and more reassurance. She loses value in herself with each relationship. And she needs more and more validation from each person. And it's a vicious cycle because she can never get enough validation. Does that make sense? And so so the, but the reason that she can never get enough validation is because she doesn't feel good about herself, she doesn't feel like she's unlovable. She feels like she's unlovable. She doesn't feel like she is lovable and therefore she needs more validation from and it's kind of like a vicious cycle because the more validation she gets, she doesn't develop confidence in herself. Okay, so her like sulfur water isn't enough that she needs more from others that becomes unreasonable. Like they came and give her it's that it's exactly, so she becomes dependent on validation from other people. To the point where that evolution is almost unattainable because it's too much from a normal relationship. Sound familiar. Um Yes, how So, um, I used to I used to I used to do this thing I will watch, right? And I would care a lot about just the game and how well I would do, how will outperform, right? So I want you to, can I just jump in and pause? Sorry if I'm derailing you, but I don't love what you said. I used to care a lot. I think that's going to be the answer. So please continue. Okay. I'm sure a lot about the actual gameplay and how good I was. Um I would perform at any given time and if I if I felt like I was playing like really bad and I was doing really bad and then I noticed I had a lot of viewers. It made me like upset, maybe upset that people would tune in and watch such trash gameplay. So I would like shave off yours on purpose. Like it happened very often, but I do things to lose viewers so that would be like I lost something. I need to get this back. I'm going to play well and when they come, when the viewers come back or when it rises again, I feel like I deserve it. You know, I deserve their, their eyes in your presence. Just look, man, I I worked there, you know, I didn't just so you know, so Felix, why do you have to shave off yours? This is important. Why do you settle? That's like, this is real sabotage. Why do you have to get rid of them? Um what, how do you feel if they stayed and you play like shit? Well, I think I'm most of the time. Yeah. Right. How does that feel to you to waste other people's time? It feels really bad and how does it feel when they leave? Um I think you'll feel good, I mean it feels weird but somewhat good, yep, and then it gives me, but then it gives me a goal. Yeah, so that's weird, right? Like let's just look at that for a second. Uh huh. Okay, let's look at that. Okay, so when you play bad and people stick around, like why do you think they stick around? You have to push them out the door, right? You have to actively try to get them to like leave. Why do they stick around? I mean the people that sit around, I mean for for game player, I would I would think that they would stay because of how good they think I am or how better the thing I can do. No, no, I know what they say. Then they say because they like you, they value you. Okay. Okay. That's a bit there. Mhm. That's good. But when I when I came up performance in game play that I don't like I understand you don't like that. Okay. Right. So you think your value is determined by your gameplay? Yeah, but what I'm telling it what I'm telling, I mean there have to be people I mean I don't I don't really know. But there have to be people who are better at Overwatch than you are writer. Yeah. Why do they watch you? Like this is the thing that you don't get and it's so fucking confusing to you that you have value outside of your performance. Mhm.