Start Time: 06:10
End Time: 10:37
Dating expert Dr. Lexx Brown-James gives advice to both dating hopefuls and married couples. Most importantly, recognize and accept change!
Publish Date: Feb 16, 2021
Dating expert Dr. Lexx Brown-James gives advice to both dating hopefuls and married couples. NPR's Sam Sanders chimes in with hilarious comparisons between his relationship with his dog and a married pair. Dr. Lexx's main message is to recognize that a lot of things have changed in the last year, including yourself and the dating world, so accept that change and make the most of it.
Well, then, with that in mind, I want to bring you the first question. This is actually from Jack Genteel. He's only 21 is from Illinois. Um and he says that dating has understandably been unusual, but he's trying. He recently joined Tinder, which I don't know how he's joining one and only now joining tinder. Um, but he went on his first date since quarantine started. Here's how he's feeling about it. Everyone has spent last year trying to get more comfortable being alone or being by themselves. So now that the vaccine is starting to come out, how do you start to feel comfortable being with other people? Dr. Lexx Brown James, I want to start with you because in a way, this is a hopeful question, right? It's about looking ahead, E, I would say, for Jack and for everybody, learning to be by yourself was actually integral, and I want him to hold on to that, and for them to hold on to that means that when they start to date, they're not gonna lose themselves in somebody else's ish. Whatever their emotional issues, whatever their baggage is, it's like, Well, I don't really like this, I could be by myself and be OK. That is an integral tool to have when starting to seek out relationship now to start to build relationship. I want him to not like scuba dive soul deep into risk taking a vulnerability. I want them to dip their toe into vulnerability, share a little bit. That feels a little bit risky, and that's going to give you a gauge of how you can start to learn to trust this person. So very small risk taking is a key to start building up trust Sam to you, this question of how one starts to feel comfortable being with other people. Yeah, well, I got to say, as someone who has been living with just my dog and working remotely at home for several months now, I've seen myself change and like we can't expect it all to just be like it was dating in the before times or living in the before times. It will be different. And how Doe I make peace with that and forgive myself in being different myself. All right, now I want to move to a question from Rachel Kruger. She got engaged last fall and to her surprise, the pandemic actually brought her closer to her fiance. They aren't sick of seeing each other, but there is some monotony. So my question is, after a year of a shutdown and living in sweat pants, how do we keep our relationship fun and special and fresh when we see each other every day in kind of our laziest Selves? I love getting this question at the start of their marriage. I don't have the heart to tell her that. This'll question is relevant in the pandemic age on DNA. Not Dr Lexx Brown James, you've been seeing couples. What do you telling them? So one thing and some people hate me for this, But I'm gonna go ahead and say it because that's how everybody to do that. I take sex off the table so we purposely withhold, like being sexy for a while so we can build up arousal, and also we plan things in our household. So let's plan Thio get dressed up in whatever we want a plan to get dressed up with. Let's plan to do something funny every day. So we're laughing together. We're touching and remember like you're seeing each other Hang out. You're you're being your friends. You wouldn't judge your best friend for coming over with no makeup and sweat pants And, like, holy draws. So why are we judging our lovers to its like? Well, yeah, I see you. And you could still be really sexy in these sweat pants because you're just comfortable and you're You all right, Sam Sanders, do you have any thoughts on this? I have no real parallel to this, but I think about like my dog. I have been walking my dog more than ever in this year of pandemic and about a month or two. And I was like, I can't keep walking this dog on the same path. And so I just began to research different walks for the dog, and it's been better for her, and better for me. And I don't know if there's any kind of love parallel here, But, like, maybe what some of these couples have to do is research some new paths to walk to mix it up. I admire you trying to jump in on this world. Oh, my God. That's okay. Yeah. We support the energy you're bringing to this. Okay. All right. So