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Snippet of Invisibilia: A Very Offensive Rom-Com

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In a podcast about exploring the hidden world that shapes our ideas and controls our behavior through science and storytelling, Invisibilia dives into a story about a young woman who finds that her dating habits have become disturbing. This pattern challenges her perception of who she is and where her moral compass points, which raises the question: can we change our attractions?
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This is why it was all the more upsetting when in 2013 l discovered the problem that we derail her newfound sexual desire. She was in her sophomore year, procrastinating yet again on Reddit, and she happened upon a thread about sexual attraction. One of the posters was asking people what races? They were most sexually attracted. Thio. And I was like, interesting question. She'd only dated white guys, but she posted I mostly attracted to white and Asian guys. Um, but, you know, I'd like toe I'd like to be open minded. When you were participating in that conversation and you made that post, did you think it was like, no big deal? I thought it was so innocuous. Just like Oh, yeah, this is me participating in the survey. No big deal until the next day, when l noticed someone had replied to her comment. Oh, so you so you won't date brown guys or black guys? I was just like, Oh, I think you're mistaken like Oh, no, Like I'm not racist, I said, I'm open minded to dating other people. In fact, at the time, l saw herself as the opposite of racist someone working to build a world free of racism. Of all the ISMs she'd been raised by working class single mom who had emigrated from China. And I was proud to be Chinese American. She was studying gender in college through an intersectional lens, learning about systematic oppression and white privilege. Plus, she was creating safe spaces online for other Asian American women to process the racism and misogyny they had to deal with every day. So the call up blindsided her. Was this the first time that you had recognized that there was a pattern to who you were attracted? Thio and that it had been pointed out to you is maybe wrong with the exception of me being like, Oh, it looks like I'm only kissing Jewish boys probably. Yeah, like that was sort of a joking moment like, Oh, it was an interesting pattern, but I didn't think there was anything wrong with it, But but someone on the Reddit thread would not let it go. It seemed to be a man, and her attraction to white guys seem to be the trigger. He began to dog l all around Reddit l said she'd be in her favorite Asian female subreddit complaining about yellow fever and the exotic fication of Asian women, which had experienced herself with her first boyfriend, a guy who once joked that he dated a girl from almost every country in Asia. And this this random user would put in. But but yeah, but you said that your only attracted to white guys. So doesn't that make you Justus bad? L begin to suspect that the commenter was like herself in East Asian person. She'd see him consistently, posed an Asian American separate. It's going after other Asian women, and it seemed like the rial beef he had was about her dating white guys instead of Asian guys. That he was part of a dark corner of the Internet, made up of angry Asian men who blame and harassed Asian women for dating anyone outside their race. In particular white guys. A special variety of the Manus Fear now called Men's Rights. Asians. Some of it can get so scary it takes your breath away, their entire forums bubbling with viscerally hateful misogyny that peddle conspiracy theories about self hating Asian women trying to bring down Asian men by not sleeping with, um, shameless Asian women love colonial white dick. Half Asian women are also self hating and want to be white as badly as their mothers. Why would I respect the woman who had white fever? Oh, that's right. I don't I've heard about Asian women getting rape threats, getting docks. You're like, disgusting and dirty. The only people who want you are like dirty, perverted white men. In this case, she continued to post on Reddit. Her personal troll multiplied in tow. Other trolls, dozens of disturbing messages, photos, tags, memes, even a thinly veiled death threat. I felt very attacked about something that I felt Is it like I shouldn't have been attacked over and was part of you also, just like And don't police my bedroom. Yeah, it seemed like this was like a very just a misogynistic thing. That's like your two yellow, um, women for who they're choosing to date, who they're choosing to sleep with. But I was like, Fuck that. Besides, e thought she was just following that hard won physical spark because that's what people dio in the 21st century in America. They sleep with people there, naturally attracted thio. Sexual attraction just happened to you in inexplicable biological force that shouldn't be questioned indefinitely, not shamed. Or at least that's the story in her culture, a romantic story that I think prevents us from looking at all the aid that lies beneath. So my sister had a no dating Asians policy. I'm sure you've probably heard of that, and other people have held. This is, Well, this is C an Asian man in his twenties. I'm calling vice first initial. We're going to get back to L. But I'm going to tell you about. See, now, because even though he's not a men's rights Asian, he has a story that helped me understand the roots of that toxic anger, a story that just really challenges this romantic way of thinking about attraction. It starts when C was 12 in the morning when he was standing outside the bathroom in his house, waiting for his mom and older sister to finish blow drying their hair. And that's when he heard something
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