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Snippet of Schnitt Talk: Getting Back With Your Ex

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Last Played: December 01, 2021
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Ellie Schnitt and her friends answer the question: is it ever okay to get back with your ex? Sometimes! It all depends on the circumstances. Did you break up because the relationship was toxic? Or was it simply a case of the right person, wrong time? Considering all the variables and taking time away from the person is important before jumping back into a relationship with somebody who could break your heart again.
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Let's talk about whether it's ever OK, So here's Here's what happened. A couple of things. So girl damned me. And she was like, Listen, I know you guys are big about, you know, Don't fuck your ex. Don't text your ex. Don't go back to him Never back. So I don't go backwards But is there ever a time that it's okay to get back with the next? And it's funny because I've been thinking about this a lot because I have a friend who is back together with her ex right now. And I have thoughts. I have so many thoughts, thoughts? Um, I don't like him and I'm not being shady on this podcast and like being nice to her face but like talking shit on a podcast like she knows that I don't like him and don't like this, but honestly, like, because of that, it it just made me think like, Yeah, I do feel like there are criteria that it would be okay to get back together with an X, and they're definitely criteria where it's not. And I don't know you. I don't know your life. I'm sure there are people who are going to die and be like I got back together with my ex and we've been together for 45 years, and it's like I'm sure I actually am happy for you and I. That is obviously the ideal scenario that you backslide and you back, so that sounds bad. You go back to somebody and you've matured and you've grown and you've learned something. And now together you're something even better. And it's like a great relationship, like that's the ideal. The thing is like, that happens a lot in movies and not that often in real life, because people only change if they want to change. So I would say there's two criteria for you to get back together with an ex. The first criteria is, Have you actually had the time to be away from that person, not talk to that person? May be day other people and genuinely be over them before you go back. Have you explored other options? Have you let yourself be over them, or have you been pining after them for years, still talking to them, still letting them kind of manipulate you into half being in a relationship with them without actually giving you what you want. And now because they're ready now you're gonna be together like, Is it something where you really never stopped dating them? And but, like you've been hooking up for nine months still, you know, like and it's like, Let's make it official. Yeah, like, did you ever really cleanly end things? Did you really get over it? And now you're coming back to this as like, new people start. Because if you're doing that, that's completely different from, like, backsliding. I would say that's like, not even backsliding because it's, like, kind of almost like a fresh Yes, it's like a brand new thing. Yeah, um, that's I think that's a really, really important thing, because if you really I mean, I have a friend and I've talked about this before and she knows how I feel about this. The longest. She went without talking to this guy, I would say a month and a half. Really, That's not nearly enough time. That's nothing. No, she just never got over him, right? She said, no, I'm over him. Yeah, she never really got it. If you never actually like, fully get over someone before you get back together with them like you never really like, get over what they did wrong to you. So you're just kind of like accepting in a way that's just part of our relationship did to me. And also like this person that I'm talking about, talked to somebody else and I had feelings for them, was interested in them but at the same time was also still speaking to the other by every day. So it wasn't like real. It was never really she never felt like she was actually trying to meet someone new because it was like, I think she convinced herself for a minute. But really, like, if you never let that person go, then you're never able to really move forward from it. And obviously, again, every situation is different. I don't know your life. I don't know your story. But generally speaking, I would say you need to go like six months to a year without speaking to this person. Before you can consider getting back together with them, I would say it probably a year. Honestly, I would say you're is probably the best bet for it to not be a bad thing. Yeah, Um, again, I just want to reiterate I'm not being judgmental towards you. If this is something that you've done and it's worked out for you, that's great. But in general, that's a great rule of them. Let yourself breathe and get over it. And the second criteria is what kind of X is this? Is this an X that all of your friends fucking hate? Is this an X that you bring him up and your friends are like, Fuck that guy? Fuck what he did to you like, is this an X that your friends that you bring up in your friends go damn like honestly, he was really good for you. Like how I kind of miss him, you know? And also like, if he was an ex who, like, kind of was a shitty boyfriend, has he genuinely changed? Is he just telling you that he's changed? Or do you see with your own eyes that he's different? Is he acting different? Like action in this case is really important. He can't just be like no baby like I'm different now. Okay. Show me then show me. Also, people could pretend to be different for a little bit just to get you to believe them totally. But like it's kind of like an overall change. Their whole thing has to be different. It can't just be like this one. Oh, I hate how you joke or say this thing or blah, blah, blah, whatever. And then you could like. People could pretend to not be that way for a little bit, but it comes back unless they have truly changed and then it's too late. You're back together with them, and it's like, Oh, fuck, we're right back where we started And now we have to have a messy breakup where I'm in pain again like this is really just to minimize as much pain as possible because it really I think it hurts so much worse the second time. Because then you're also dealing with the dirty pain, the guilt pain and the champagne that you're feeling towards yourself, not just the pain of the relationship ending. It's also why did I let myself get back together with this person when I knew better? You know, But if you if you really have tried to like, separate yourself and you know he's not like a monster. He was just kind of a shitty boyfriend. And now he's matured and grown up, and you can see that with your own eyes. He's he really is different. Maybe like it always bothered you that he wasn't responsible and he didn't wake up on time. And now you see that like he's going to the gym every morning and like he's a dog or something, like taking care of his life. That's attractive, you know, and it's okay, Lifestyle. It's okay to revisit, knowing that you had really strong feelings for someone. But there were things that you couldn't get past with them. I would say if it's someone who was like, manipulative, selfish, like those kind of things. Those behaviors don't always change. They might change on the outside to make you think that they have changed, but they're still going to be kind of that way inside. Yeah, like immaturity can change in maturity like if you dated someone and it's the thing that turned you off is that they were immature. But it's been two years and you revisit it. And there was an adult now. Yeah, immaturity can change. People can grow up
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