Played: April 27, 2022
In this snippet, Tim Dillon shares his awful experience at an Airbnb in Joshua Tree, CA.
Updated Date: Aug 05, 2022
Publish Date: Feb 03, 2021
thing and I'd like a little before the end. We had a big problem with Airbnb and I've been a big proponent of Airbnb and Airbnb is a billion dollar business on its valued and how much? I mean, they just had a by P o right Airbnb is, uh, this massive. I mean, it is just and $68 a share. I mean, it's it's $33 billion valuation as of November 30th for Airbnb. Okay, now it's targeting And that December 7th, $42 billion variation for Airbnb And we had a problem with Airbnb. We had a really issue with Airbnb. I have done nothing but be respectful to the people to the homes that I rent. I've done nothing. You understand? I do not get bad reviews on Airbnb because I treat people with respect. Now let's describe let's describe some of the issues. Number one I went. I was told I was going to a luxury compound in Joshua Tree. Luxury means something very specific to May. Okay, It doesn't mean necessarily stylized, high concept and artistic. It means luxury means fluffy couches and nice carpets luxury. I feel luxurious. You understand um, we went to Ah, a nice thing in Joshua Tree, which is the place where all people, the tech industry, go to take mushrooms and people who work for ice go and have, you know, to take TMT and figure out how to build stronger cages to put kids in. You know, it's great. It's for people having revelations. So we go to Joshua Tree, which is really just it's a little box for drug addicts. Let's be honest, it's a litter box for drug addicts, and I know that a lot of people like it, but that's what it is, and that's who you are. So we go to this litter box for drug addicts and they, you know, they've stuck a little house on the edge of a cliff, and we can all go see the desert and, you know, take a bunch of drugs and see Satan or whatever on demand we get into the house, the house, the furniture in the house is like It's all it's all, of course, these air to white women. I believe they're lesbians. I don't wanna say that their lesbian, I don't know, but their names, their stupid like one of those names. Mila. It's like it's a stupid name. You're a ridiculous person. Okay. You accuse me of breaking a cactus. How do you even do that, you goofy bitch? Shut the fuck up! Okay, you slob. So I walk into your fucking house, which you can't even sit on the fucking for. I got fat people here. They're £400. How are they going to sit on your couch? High chair? That's a little thin. Thing of fucking leather. What are we supposed to dio this guys? £900? What are we gonna do here? Okay. Every piece of furniture can't sodomize the guest. You have to have some fucking chair that works like an actual fucking chair. Throw a bean bag in there, okay? Not everybody is a 90 ft, £90 lesbian on Iowa ska that can perch on a fucking bird cage for the whole night. Okay, you freaks listed the fuck up talking to you people going to rent your house and actual people that need actual furniture to actually sit. Not everything's a fucking trip toe hyperspace. There's actual three d reality that some of us have to fucking live in. So we went there, and I was not thrilled with the decor. And I told you that it was very white on. You know, these white bitches, they just steal Native American culture, and I'm not even a culturally appropriation guy, But they just steal this fucking culture. They put these weird little buffalo heads skulls everywhere and, you know, lavender oil. And what am I gonna do? Loop my ass with it? What do you What is this? So we go in, it's all white. The fireplace doesn't work. Of course, because the insurance company won't insure them. Everything is freezing. The hot tub is freezing. Unhappy, right? The fucking lockbox. We gotta fucking attack it to get the key out. Um, so were there in the house and we do nothing to the furniture. We literally don't damage any of the furniture. They have these kitchen stools that air concrete slabs. Mila, Mila, We work so hard for the shut up. Get a job. There are concrete slab kitchen chairs, high top kitchen chairs. Okay, that are like art pieces. Thes. They're not chairs on. They have little stools that are made out of what? What was that like hollowed out. So like marble or the marble petrified, petrified water. I don't know what it waas, but it's a little stool that you're supposed to sit. It's a tiny little table where your ass can't even fit on this small little thing of would you have to sit on and eat? I don't even know what right? So they just want you doing drugs? Do you walk in? Is a big mortar and a pestle there? I don't know, like just crush it up. Just crush it up and do it. Get it into the budget and that's fine. Listen, I get it. You have got Georgia Tech, the shrimps, but some people wanna have a nice meal there. We treated that house that had never been treated it with wholesome American food. We went toe Vonn's in the desert, and we got burgers and Bush's baked beans on. We cooked baked beans and, yes, beans explode when they're hot. Whose fault is that? I didn't come up with the idea for the bean exploding now and then. We wanted Gorton's fish. We got the Gorton's fish, which is very nice. The breaded pre breaded Gordon's fish and some tartar sauce. So it s so big beans Gorton's fish with tartar sauce, cheeseburgers and then seven pints of ice cream so we could try. Just have a little ice cream testing. And we left a few dishes in the sink in the sink, a pot of exploded beans on extra tartar sauce. I didn't even use that. I said You can use um, some ice cream. I mean, the smell of the house was fish and bean, but that's not my fault. You couldn't have a cleaning cause she's like the cleaning crew complained. What is it my fat made over there? Probably complaining. But it's like, Well, why are they complaining? They're supposed to be cleaning. Their job is to clean. Okay, So this bitch then text me. She goes, are cleaning crew had a heart attack L o l So I'm like, OK on, then she goes. But please give us a good review. So we stay on Airbnb. So here's the deal with Airbnb. We review each other. We don't know what we've said. If you're gonna come reach out to me and asked me for a good review at acknowledged that the cleaning crews like, Oh, we got a washing dishes. I'm like, Okay, They're not mad. We didn't do anything. There's some dishes in the sink, but it is what it is. I paid a $400 cleaning fee, you stupid cunt. John and Mila, you fucking pigs. I'll burn your fucking house down, by the way. Anyway, I texted him that I texted I was gonna burn the house down on. I sent them a gif of the Simpsons house burning. I'm like, I know where your house is.