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Snippet of Vicky Walker: Christian perspectives on sex, dating and robot brothels

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Listen to this snippet of Vickey Walker on talking about Christian perspectives on sex, marriage, and more.
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Well, if your ultimate goal and your ultimate purpose even is to get married to be a wife, a mother, you would be damaged goods. There is some terrible stories. In fact, there's a book called Damaged Goods that was collected a lot of these stories. So what women were told with things like, If you know, you can't put toothpaste back in the tube once it squeezed out, you know, a rose was passed around a Greek where everyone was told to crush the rows and then the ends handed back to the girl. This is this is you if you let people touch you. All these things that were I think they called object lessons. But they were deeply, deeply unhelpful on dat was often within a culture where women were told to passively wait for a man. Thio, pursue them and you know men will be told pick a good Christian girl and a good Christian girl with someone who hadn't allowed themselves to be in this position. Aside from the fact that you know, girls may not have had a choice if they had been subjected to abuse when they were younger as well, which obviously had quite a damaging impact on how they saw themselves. So men were told and brought up to expect that they would have this crazy out of control sex drive that they couldn't be trusted around women at all. A lot of the modesty teaching came out of that where all of the boat, Well, the pressure was put on women Thio, cover up Thio not let men see, you know an inch of flesh or, you know, to do anything that could be remotely tempting on. Then at the right time, a good Christian man would come along, pick a good Christian girl. They would get married and sail off into orgasmic sunset on. But that would be it. Everything would be great on. It just didn't happen. It just didn't happen. So I don't know if you were taught similar things going well, Yeah, it's a really interesting one because I think what you're describing from where I sit. At least it sounds like to me fairly extreme form of some of that teaching. So, you know, I think most Christians you know, if you grow up a Christian environment as a teenager, you'll probably told to save sex for marriage. But of course there's a way of teaching that in a helpful way, I would argue no way of teaching that an unhelpful way. And certainly what you're saying is when you did the survey, huge number of people come forward saying this was taught to me in a really damaging way. But is there a distinction to be made? There were. Let's just take, for example, you know, no sex before marriage. Is that a good principle? You know, even a biblical principle that Christians should be teaching on is the issue you found. It's just the way that's being outworked, like those unhelpful object lessons or by putting way too much pressure on people to make it sound like if you fall in this area, this is, ah, worse. In another sense, you see what I mean is it is it Is the teaching itself off saving sex for marriage, a bad teaching, or is it just the way it's being taught? Has that been unhelpful? I think often what would happen was that people weren't necessarily taught it as such as they just absorbed it through osmosis. So it was just sex was non existent until suddenly there was a teenage pregnancy or until suddenly there was a divorce within the church. So it wasn't necessarily that people got good teaching. I think when I was young, it was just a case of Oh, you don't need to think about that yet. Just concentrate on being young and then at some point, you'll get married. So it wasn't even that it was taught as much as it was just expected on one of the things that came out quite an interesting theme. And I had to go back and look at the summons a couple of times on this because it was something that quite surprised me was that people were split pretty much down the middle as to whether they would or wouldn't have sex before marriage. So often there was quite a weird correlation where people would have said, Well, do you know what? I did? Everything right. I did everything by the book. I waited on Ben. I got married, had sex on bond. It was a disaster. And if I if I had my time again, if I you know, if I went to another relationship, I wouldn't wait on Then there were people that said I didn't do that before I had sex and then I met my personal I'm now with on If I was to do it again, I would wait. So it wasn't as simple as just saying This is definitely the way because there were people saying, Well, I did all of that and it made no difference. Eso the issue was I did things quote unquote the right way. But I had a bad experience. But then if you go back and you say Well, because it had a bad experience, it sounds like people question the teaching they were given. I think they were often told and this was something that came out. I phrased in different ways throughout the survey. But what seemed to be quite predominant was that people were almost being told, prioritized not having sex above everything else, so they would be getting into a relationship where the main thing about that relationship was that you're not going near each other, you're not even thinking about it, and then you get married, rushed to the altar on, then do whatever you want. Everything's fine, so it was much less about relation all health, emotional health, developing, discernment. Really getting to know that other person having time to do that? Well, it was much more about right. Get married, get married, and then you can have sex and somehow all the rest of it will get figured out. So I don't I don't know if it's statistically likely that Christians marry younger Thune, non Christians, But there was definitely shorter engagement In my personal experience. I would say Christians generally do marry younger. I mean, I've been to a lot of weddings over the past, I don't know, 10 years, and almost all of them have bean Christians when I've gone to Wedding's off. Those who are Christians, they tend to be older in their thirties or forties. Andi, I think nationally that the picture is people are waiting longer to get married, but it does. It does seem like not that my personal experience is necessary scientifically to go by. But it does seem like certainly amongst kind of evangelical Christians that the trend is still to marry. To marry younger is that pulls fault for saying it's better to marry than to burn with passion. Well, I do I do think the whole thing about basically stay single unless you're too horny is still quite predominant thing within Christian teaching. And certainly I've been to a lot of younger Christian weddings as well. I've also seen quite a lot off slightly older Christian divorces because of that, because people did go into things when they weren't fully adult themselves. So the latest neuroscience saying that the adult brain isn't fully developed until at least the age of 25. Andi. Yet people are committing to lifelong decisions, you know, in their late teens. Still, you know, a bit older. So it's not to say that those relationships never work or can't work. But I think where we're trying to apply a blanket approach to say, This is how you should do it. It's really damaging people on. I think as well. Yeah, it's fascinating. How culture plays into this is you talk about that reminded me of when I visited the Midwest in America, you know, effectively the Bible belt really on the norm. There for Christians was to meet somebody and within, I don't know, three months be engaged with another three or six months, get married and then nine months later, the baby would turn up. And that seemed to be the normal picture in this particular culture. And you think, Well, I don't think Certainly most Christians I know I don't think they would make a biblical case for why that is the way to do it. I think most of us recognize well, that's a particular culture in that part of America. But the danger to me and look at your book. And the research seems to be when we missed a quick what God is asking us to do for just a Christian culture on there could be an unhealthy Christian culture that's actually quite a long way away from what what God would, uh, would instruct us through the Bible.
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