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Snippet of Why Won't You Date Me?: Empowering Relationship Statements (w/ Deon Cole)

Last Played: February 01, 2021
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Nicole Byer discusses the possibility that some individuals may be feeling more lonely with their partners during the Covid-19 pandemic than without them. After considering the importance of living in the moment rather than the future, Deon Cole highlights a key question that is rarely asked in romantic relationships: is your partner in love with you, or are they simply in love with the idea of love?
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uh, I don't I'm so, man, I'm so like into the moment. If at the moment is off, I'm off and I might not have another moment, huh? But you're like the second dude recently who's been like, Oh, I live in the moment. Like, do I like them this moment? Like, do I think about them later? So then I'll call them, but, like, I think a lot of women or me. Personally, I don't think in the moment I'm to the next moment. Kind of like a kind of like with my career. Like I enjoy the moments, but I'm like, how is this moment gonna help me to get to where I need to go for the future moment? Yes. He mine is more like a pattern. I have to see a pattern. If I'm comfortable with this pattern, then I'll invest in it. But I have to see this pattern, and I have to see it. How you reacting all these different moments to I got to see how you are around other people in that moment. I also got to see the moment when you by yourself, I got to see the moment when I'm going for 33 months and I come back all these moments, I gotta I gotta see how you play out in these moments or whatever. Not how you envision it, because you can't envision you can't envision something you ain't never been through. And each person that you deal with is a different person, which is a different situation. So therefore you cannot go. Oh, well, this happened with this person I can envision that was gonna happen over here. You can, because that's that's you boxing a person because you're doing more damage than they are. Because you already putting your mind. This person is going to do this. That and the third or whatever. So you can't box them. You have to live out the moment. And if that moment, uh, find you find yourself worthy of that moment and that person does, too. Then you have another moment and you keep going, you know, I mean, that Z that's just me and how I could I mean, how I mean, I like it. I think it it takes a lot of pressure off. If you're not thinking, Oh, they're gonna do X, y and Z today. today with the last person did we were just like, this is a different person. How are you this moment? What? Just moment to moment. I think that's a very good way to live in a relationship. Exactly. Ah, lot of women be thinking like when you say I live in the moment. I mean, like, yeah, you just wanna have sex now. You wanna go? Whatever. I don't have nothing to do with that. I mean, I'm I'm far from Can I have sex with you? I'm far from that. I mean, if I'm not having sex right now, when I feel like it been that's on me. You know what I mean? But that's what I wanted to do that I could do it. But me personally, my time is greater than any come e can ever have way. Put it on a T shirt. My time is greater than anything Any come I can't ever have waste time for a come. I've done that before and they come wasn't even worth all that time. It was like, What am I doing? So now, as I'm older, it's like, No, my time is way greater than eso I have thio. I have. I have tow five with you in a way that, you know, we we we get it and way on our own page with a lot of people. Don't even be engaged in the person. They're more caught up into the relationship or saying that they're in a relationship there, more caught up in the same rather than the person to. You know, a lot of people don't even care about you. They just want to be in a relationship. They'll be like there's like, serial relationship people, especially the people who can, who can find somebody right after breaking up with you and they got somebody else. They're in love with love. They're not in love with the person, But I mean, that mean that means that they could be with anybody because it is love that they love. Yeah, I don't understand people who could do that. People just like jump from person to person. I'm like, but didn't you don't want to take some time because figure out who you are now after the relationship because they don't have nothing to do with the person that has to do with the feeling people are in love with the feeling of love. They're in love with the feeling of relationship. They're in love with the feeling of telling somebody I got somebody. That's what they're in love with they're not in love with. They're not in love with the person.
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