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The Transmasculine Experience

Last Played: June 10, 2021
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"Trans In Color" is a podcast that discusses the obstacles that trans men may face and provides a safe space for transgender men to ask questions and receive advice. There is no one way to be a man, so listen in for yourself!
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So before I got off topic, I said that I want you to focus on your own journey because your happiness depends on it and you might be asking why that's important? Well, it's important because if you're constantly comparing yourself to others, you'll never, ever truly be happy and this honestly applies to every facet of our lives. Um but in this case we are Talking about the trans masculine individuals and journey. So I remember my first shot, I remember how excited I was to take that first tee shot. Um it was April 20 9th, and it was that day that I just knew that my life would change forever. I could finally be me, I was finally secure enough with myself to become the man that I wanted to be. However, at the same time I think I had a false sense of what would happen when I started testosterone. Um I took my first shot and that's when all the questions started taking over. I would find myself on google literally for hours searching different topics. I'd be searching, how long is it going to take me to get facial hair? How long is it going to take for my voice to get deeper? And then I would go to instagram after that, I'd be on twitter facebook and I go up there and I look up different trans men and I would look at their photos and I try to see how long they had been on t and how much facial hair they had. Um If I wasn't looking at their facial hair or voice changes, I was looking at their bodies, I'd see photos of men who had post photos of their bodies and I would end up comparing mind to theirs and that's not healthy. Um So let me be clear about this, this is extremely toxic behavior and I discourage you from heading down that dark path. Like I did um doing this on a daily basis, did nothing but make me depressed. I was becoming so depressed because I was like, I don't measure up to the image of what a trans man should look like or sound like I personally had a very high pitched voice before I started testosterone and I was constantly comparing my voice to others and I would get upset. I would seek into this deep depression because my voice was not deepening that like there's meanwhile I was so caught up and others that I didn't even notice the positive changes that were taking place with my own body and in my own life I was just too focused on everyone else that I didn't realize that although my voice wasn't as deep as others, it still had changed and that's where I am now, you know, like I said before starting testosterone, my voice was very, very high pitched and I realized that my voice might not ever be as deep as you know, someone else on testosterone, you know, but that's okay with me, I am secure with my changes that I'm having and comparing myself to myself and no one else. So again, even though my voice hadn't changed as much as others, it had changed. So I found myself learning how to focus on the positives. Um, so just to switch things up a little bit when I'm talking to different individuals, some of the questions that I constantly get our, uh why don't I have facial hair yet? I also get, how long did it take you to get your facial hair? A lot of times I get people asking me how long did it take for your voice to get deeper or when will my body starts to look more masculine? And while these questions are that I'm sure that we all have and they're okay to have them. You cannot become focused on them. Let me say that again, it's okay to have those questions and to wonder, but you cannot become focused on them. And the truth is, a lot of these changes have to do with genetics, so I can't give you an exact time for myself. I have personally never had a problem with facial hair, I've always been very hairy even before I started testosterone. So it was only natural that my beard started coming in quickly. Um I know I started getting peach fuzz about a month after starting testosterone, but at the same time I have friends Who have been on T for three years and have no facial hair. So it's different for everyone and you cannot be upset about your progress. And again I cannot stress enough. Do not compare yourself to others because it can become very toxic and cause you to spiral out of control. It really can and I don't want that to happen to any of you. Um It's okay to look at pictures of other people and you know even be happy for them and be like wow that's amazing. I'm not saying that you can't look at anyone else but don't let it affect you to the point where it's making you depressed or sad because you don't look just like them or sound just like them. Um If you don't listen to anything else that I've said tonight, please just listen to this. Trans men come in all different shapes, colors and sizes. Um We have all types of different facial hair, our voices range and pitch. There's no one definition of what a trans men should look or sound like. No one definition. And honestly that's what makes us all so beautiful. That's what makes us unique. The path that you're walking is special and it was designed just for you. So if you're constantly looking at others, you're gonna miss out on your own achievements and your own milestone. So focus on your journey. Um focus on your journey and it will make such a happier individual. So um again, just remember to focus on yourself, love yourself, Life is so precious and we really should just be enjoying every single moment of it.
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