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Unidentified Creature in a Remote, Argentinean Lake

From Audio: #192: South American Aquatic Horrors

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station description A Weekly podcast featuring a bizarre collection of Monsters, Ghosts, Aliens, Demons... read more
The Cryptonaut Podcast
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Duration: 08:54
The hosts of the Cryptonaut Podcast discuss sightings in the remote South American jungle of a mysterious lake creature.
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The hosts of the Cryptonaut Podcast discuss sightings in the remote South American jungle of a mysterious lake creature.
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There it is. Without further ado robert. Here we go. We are kicking this off to south american aquatic horrors. And I got to say for the record not to digress yet again that this is far and away. The most quickly assembled pot we've ever done, dump cat was the shortest by far and we managed to turn it into something. But this thing, some of it was obviously written and it was on crypto pia and originally an american monsters. And you know, we used references, but in terms of getting a theme putting it together and just saying, fuck it on a thursday night, A rare thursday night we're gonna record. I am really proud of us, so be forgiving. Excellent! Let's get started with. There are few places on earth whose murky depths inspire more terror than those of South America, from the legendary toothy and insatiably voracious red bellied piranhas to the equally dagger mouth common the rivers, lakes and lagoons of this mystery laden continent elicit dread in most. But as nightmarish as the known water dwelling flesh eaters surely are. There are a score of unknown yet equally carnivorous creatures that are unknown to science but induce white knuckled horror in locals who know them all too well. All too well all the time. Trying to borrow shit like law and furniture, fucking weed whackers, their dicks. They're not good neighbors. Not at all. Like how they want to borrow lawn furniture. Like a fucking taking my furniture. The fuck is wrong with you. Well, I mean like the fuck out of here, the fuck you doing on the land? Get back in the water asshole. You're amphibious. Now, fucking likely story, likely. I'm not a big fan of water. Anyway, robert. Let's fucking do this. I am less of a fan of fresh water as it should be known. Uh Anything murky. Like I've swam in three of the five oceans. I mean, who wants to swim in the arctic and you know, southern ocean Anyway? Um and I've been in some dangerous places and I usually enjoy it, but fucking the murky freshwater, particularly that of the amazon and its tributaries and all those things just fucking or africa. Oh my God, give me like an ice cold terror shits! Feeling like I instantly fucking can't even deal So my my my fear is already there and this is not going to help the matter. Here we go, embedded deep in the Andes Mountain range at the northern end of Patagonia is Argentina's southern province of Neuquen, situated approximately 25 miles away from the Chilean border, is a small, isolated glacial lake known as La Go La car. This pristine stretch of water shares many traits in common with other high altitude freshwater bodies, not the least of which are the recurring reports of large and in this case extremely dangerous unidentified animals dwelling beneath its desolate depths. Unlike the typically wide bodied longneck Plessis or like beasties that allegedly dwell in so many other mystery lakes. The creature dubbed El cuero, which translates to literally the leather. No, that's weird. It's me the leather like a growth. Him who the fuck invited the leather to the Memorial Day cookout. He's a deck. He's the worst and he's going to hit on your girlfriend every definitely gonna hit on your girlfriend and your wife and your mom and possibly a grandma. Oh yeah is an utterly unique animal that is just one of the many incredibly treacherous aquatic predators said to occupy the waters of South America. This korean vicious critter which is also known by the name of el bien peinado. And of course, you know, I'm gonna just ridiculously ruin all these words Nado a. K. A. The smooth headed one, which I mean it's gotta be penis, right? I don't know. I don't know if you've got the leather, you got the penis. I mean the fuck is going on in south America here, This shit is wild. This quality is great. It has also been referred to as an aquatic tiger boy and is described as having a hairless bovine like head in spine and a body which displays outward that has been compared to a cow hide which has been laid out to dry. Hence its Appalachian. So you completely de bone. A cow, I guess safer. Its spine and skull. I don't know why you do it, you fucking take the legs off, you have the body coming out and and how it's usually depicted is essentially rectangular. So you've got a cow had. This is what we're working with so far the spine and a roughly rectangular skin wings that are just doing what they're fucking doing. This is this is what we're dealing with. So far, The smooth headed one, it doesn't get any better. Cool. This description of a wide, thin body beast has led some investigators to speculate that the animal may be related to south american freshwater stingrays, though some even say it's more like an octopus. Now we don't have fresh water octopus. I don't know where that comes from because I've never really read anything about tentacles, but I'm reporting it because that's what's been said. Others have suggested that they might be a colossal in here to four unknown freshwater species of the potentially ravenous, soft bodied gastro pod mollusks known as nudie branches. I just love saying that word. Nudie branches are nudie branches, though there seems to be very little evidence to back that assertion again, just for you know, facts and sides, whatever its evolutionary origins, maybe El cuero are said to have to reddish stalks jutting out of its repugnant cow like head upon which rest its bulbous snail like eyes. She got I stocks even more disturbing are the reports of this animal's proboscis like mouth, which is located not on its head but in the center of its torso and through which it reputedly sucks the blood of its human and animal victims. Romantica water vampire, it's like yeah, yeah, sorry to say this is a feeding method which el cuero would seem to seem excuse me, seem to share with the notorious quote unquote african brain sucker known as the man Mlambo, which we've dealt with in previous or a previous pod. To make matters even more terrifying, The eyewitnesses who have managed to survive an encounter with this lake monster have also reported seeing a series of razor sharp claws along the fringes of its undulating body, which it uses to secure its prey in a fashion, not unlike a bat, wrapping its wings around an insect before delivering it into its toothy maw, a truly terrible way to go. So I don't know, you've probably seen slow motion footage of bat scooping out an insect in there and I remember as a kid, I don't know how old it was, like one of those old nat geo documentaries, the first time they got slow motion footage of it, scientists were blown away because they thought that bats grab that shit with their mouth or claws. But really what they do is they just envelope it with the wraparound wings and then throw it up in its face. So apparently the el cuero works something like that. But even more kind of disturbing to me is the idea that it doesn't just have like two sets or four sets or six sets of claws. But literally the entire perimeter of its body is a fucking a bunch of serrated, toothy claw like edges that it uses to grip and pull in. Uh Yeah that's awful. It's just got like fucking razors on its body that just grabs you with and then uses the crazy straw mouth to fucking exsanguination you. So then all the way around fucking water van, peer brother. There it is scarier still is the evidence that these creatures might actually be amphibious. As the few who visit the lake are said to have discovered bird and animal remains littering the lock our shoreline after one of l. Queiros, voracious nocturnal feasts or well or dead birds. So it goes on, it goes on land and it kills people
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